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It’s here! My Ultra Divine Guide To the Online World. Sisters, I so desire that this post give you you an ease-filled perspective on having and creating an online presence.
Volver took off into the online world roughly two and a half years ago. It has been quite a journey with many highs and lows. There was a lot to figure out with a lot of people giving advice on how I should do it. Then it seemed that as soon as I figured it out, things would change. After 30 months of partying online and sifting through tons of advice, ideas, strategies and virtual assistants -> THIS is what I know for sure:
A website is a great way to maintain and engage the relationships with the folks who appreciate your genius. A website is not the main meal. It is the most delicious side dish. This may not seem true for some sites, but I believe it is true for most. The main meal is your genius and the strong relationships with people who love your genius. Websites are great at facilitating this.
Since your genius and the thoughts about your genius are always evolving, changing and innovating, you need a website that can do the same. These websites are called “content driven” sites, which means they have a blog that is updated with all your current happenings and musings. Just as in real life, people love to know, “What’s new?” The online platform king for content driven sites is WordPress. Though, unless you are a techie, don’t bother going to the site. You need to know all sorts of techie stuff in order to get the site up and running. Just know that this is the best content driven platform and you want to hire a designer who can design with WordPress.
Hire a WordPress MASTER to develop your site. Do not hire your cousin, you kid, your neighbor or a “Virtual Assistant” who is “figuring out” WordPress. You may think you are saving a dime, but you will PAY and pay dearly (trust me … I know.)
Take professional pictures. This is extremely important. First, your photos will influence the design of your site. Second, people will take you seriously, because you are taking yourself seriously. Third, beauty is powerful and professional photos are beautiful.
Create a beautiful site. I was the creative force behind my site and I hired a Photoshop wiz to bring my ideas to form and then a WordPress wiz developed it into a functioning site. Unless you are a super creative control freak, I don’t recommend this road (and if you are, I do.) Instead, hire a designer and expect to pay anywhere from $750-$10,000 (but usually between $3k-$5k) for your site.
A sign-up box is a must. This is how the people who desire your genius keep up with you.
Working with a copywriter is an incredible experience. If writing about yourself/your genius is unclear/difficult to articulate, then you may want to enlist the help of a copywriter. If you write your own copy, then make sure you write in the first person. Writing in the third person is weird when you most likely wrote it and thus … last year.
Then there is Twitter. Twitter is like being in an international coffee shop with a bunch of progressive thinkers without having to leave your house. I love Twitter and have met some incredible people. Just jump right in and you will get the hang of it super fast. A picture of yourself on Twitter goes much farther than using a logo. People want to know who they are tweeting with. For the same reasons, just use your real name is you can.
And then there is Facebook. Facebook is obvious. An awesome place to connect with others. I have a personal page for myself and I have a fan page for Volver.
I have used the word “genius” quite a bit. I believe we all have something inside us that operates from pure inspiration (from spirit.) When we have found it, we do not need to stay motivated or decide to do it. Though bringing it to fruition will undoubtedly involve hard work, it’s choiceless. We simply MUST. DO. IT. As Liz Gilbert has so brilliantly described, “genius” is a merger between our self and a divine force.A web presence is a big investment on every level and is best used and sustained when in service of your genius.
For help with social media, I HIGHLY recommend: Teresa Deak of SocialButterflySolutions. She is a right-brain diva who will teach you the “ART” of social media.
Finally, I love good advice: Danielle Laporte is my main guru. Were it not for Danielle, this site would not exist. She also gives great business advice that is rich with emotional integrity. Naomi Dunford teaches online classes and offers cutting edge marketing advice (that seems geared to women.) I often feel like she is reading my mind. She’s amazing.
I don’t think one can be a feminine essence junkie and not think of feminism … a lot.
It is brutal. Not the feminist movement, but the reasons it exists. I caught wind of this documentary the other day. I doubt I will ever watch it as I was barely breathing through the trailer. This is the world we live in, where baby girls are killed, and young girls are married off and/or sold into sex slavery. All of these human atrocities are the practical solutions of desperate people.
You can see it throughout history and you can see it within ourselves. When our survival seems/is threatened and we feel desperation, the ego blames/attacks/objectifies/commodifies the feminine. How many times has your ego tried to run for its life from an emotion you didn’t want to feel or from a desire that you didn’t want to acknowledge?
Both psychologically and socially, the big problem with these seemingly practical solutions is that they create more suffering and desperation. These aggressive strategies are killing and selling off the real solution.
And that brings us to the wonderful work of The Girl Effect. An organization whose mission is to get people to invest in a different solution. And it is hot. It’s a solution where young girls are educated instead of sold and given the opportunity to experience Goddesshood by CREATING livelihood for their families.
This week is The Girl Effect Blogging Campaign where bloggers unite to spread the word about this movement. PLEASE JOIN US. A heartfelt thanks to Tara Mohr for creating this world-changing initiative.
Finally, here is an inspiring example of the solution:
I received an awesome Q via email the other day from Andraya Dickens, a goddess who is well beyond her years. The subject line was “What about the young ladies out there?” Essentially she observes that the pursuit of self-love and feminine reclamation is primarily happening for women over 30. In her email, she wonders about all the teenagers and young women who are suffering at the hands of degrading media messages and asks, “How do you convince girls that they are worth so much more than they suppose when they are completely reluctant to love themselves?”
Huge Q. Thank you, Andraya.
Young or old, without the desire for it, it is fairly difficult to convince anyone to love themselves (or to do anything for that matter.) And yes, for most women, 20-40 years have passed before they have even begun to contemplate the importance of self-love. From my viewpoint, creating the desire for self-love is the essential first step.
And this points to a bigger issue:
Like myself five years ago (and it was ugly), most women are oblivious to the power of desire. Compared to the abundance of feminine wisdom not being shared by women, mainstream media is an annoying mosquito. At the heart of that wisdom is desire.
Most people hear the word desire and think of sex. Though the physical aspects of sensuality are definitely part of the equation, desire’s bigger function is to define one’s deepest truth and potential human expression. It is a courageous and joy-igniting act of surrender.
All of us midlife desire junkies have discovered that when we are aware of our deepest desires, we are refreshing forces of nature. The sensual connection to our womanhood breeds confidence and unveils our unique path.
Though mainly unconscious, the current legacy between women encourages us to doubt what we desire. We teach young girls to let the outer (media, men, peers) versus the inner (truth, intuition, pleasure) guide them.
The ultimate goal of Volver, and I believe all the current efforts being made by divine-feminine guru’s, is to restore a legacy of desire between women. A legacy that is ultimately passed down between mothers and daughters for all generations to come.
This reclamation is beginning with us midlifers, and although the “how” is currently in process, this truth will one day trickle down, radiate out and infuse all women of all ages … who desire it.
In case you are new to Volver, I just want to give you an adorable heads up that sometimes I write about sex. I write about sex for the same reason I write about everything on this site: I believe this information restores health. I am not as in love with the topic of sex as I am in love with truth and the truth is that we all exist because of sex and we all want sex. In our culture, sexual truth is distorted and I know I, and millions of others, suffer from these distortions. I believe in the power of a sex positive world and I desire to do my small part in spreading this information so that it may serve those who find it valuable.
Did you know the most orgasmic part of a woman’s body is the upper left quadrant of her clitoris?
I think this is one of the most important and world changing facts to ever be brought to light.
The actual practice of Orgasmic Meditation is wildly simple and involves two willing participants, a finger, a clitoris, some lube and 15 minutes of time (and some pillows, blankets and towels for comfort.) In a nutshell, the stroker (could be your significant other or an OMing partner) strokes the upper left quadrant for 15 minutes via the super affirming guidance of the strokee. There are more details to the technique and I highly recommend getting her book, but this is a good sketch.
Within this simplicity, there is something completely beyond the beyond about this practice. OMing bears some of the ripest fruits I have ever seen in the world of healing and spirituality for both men and women.
I could go on and on about OMing (and I probably will). For this post I want to tell you about the relief I felt after my first OMing experience. It marked the end of my penis envy.
Yes, I have always had a little bit of penis envy. Not that I wanted the actual organ, I just wanted my organs to be as straightforward as the penis (no pun intended). For most heterosexual men, it seems that intercourse with women almost always delivers orgasm. For women, only 29% report orgasm from intercourse with men.
Female orgasm is notoriously elusive. It typically requires a lot of communication and direction, and while women who can communicate and direct are quite powerful, there is ultimately a labor about achieving orgasm that can derail sexual desire. As Nicole powerfully states in her book, “Women have a great appetite for sex, just not for the sex that is on the menu.”
So when I first experienced OMing I was relieved. I was relieved that the upper left quadrant was clearly defined. I was relieved that for 15 minutes of my life, it was the only focus. I was relieved that my man was game. I was relieved that all I had to do was feel. I was relieved that it never felt so good.
Women have a huge desire to experience authentic sexual fulfillment and men have a huge desire to master female orgasm. Nicole has discovered and delivered a path that satisfies both.
In case you haven’t heard yet, August has become Mama Gena month, as I am serving up the Volver goods in service of inspiring you to do her online bootcamp.
This is the last post and is truly the grandest finale. I had the privilege of interviewing Dr. Anne Davin, Mama Gena’s creative partner and as Regena so lovingly describes her: “The Force Behind The Force.”
This interview makes my heart swoon for two reasons:
First, Anne is a depth psychotherapist and since I have a background in psychotherapy, her views and words take my soul back through time. When you read the interview you will see what I mean.
Secondly, the School of Womanly Arts is about unfurling the feminine through fun and pleasure. In the spiritual circles I travel in, I suspect many roll their eyes at this idea … like I first did (“Sure, pleasure … that’s … cute.”) However, when one dares to follow their call and walk through the school’s doors, you are reconnected with the most ancient and sacred aspects of yourself. This interview gives you a clear glimpse of the school’s profound work.
Without further ado, it is my greatest pleasure to bring you this Returning Interview with one of my greatest teachers, Dr. Anne Davin.
Right now in this moment, what is your top gratitude?
I am exceedingly grateful for my terrific man who has loved me for the past ten years. His love for me has allowed me to risk way past who I thought I was. Because of him, every day I become a better version of myself. My capacity to serve life through all my creative gifts and what I value most has grown exponentially. This relationship is a direct consequence of my studies as a SWA student.
How did you come to find and attend the school?
A colleague recommended Regena’s book to me in 2006. I read it and was hugely intrigued by her message and her method, so I signed up for a correspondence course. Regena and I became immediate friends. It was clear that my professional experience and life experience as a young wife living in a Native American pueblo in the Southwest could contribute to the SWA teachings and philosophy. How? I saw then what I continue to stand for today: that the SWA is a modern-day global village of women who, by practicing the Tools and Arts, initiate one another into spiritually maturing women. It’s a cultural and personal right of passage in which a woman comes face-to-face with who she is as a sentient being. A woman’s turn on and sensuality is seen as a place where she encounters herself spiritually.
In mother cultures (indigenous), humans saw the holy in all things, especially nature. They felt it was their role to literally keep the holy alive in our world by seducing it with eloquent speech, courting it through acts of beauty, feeding it through ritual and ceremony, and embodying it as sensual beings. There was no separation between the erotic and being human. You were not fully human unless you were living your erotic nature. Every initiated man and woman was seen as a courtesan of the divine. And, it was their union with one another that called forth the greatest presencing of this divine encounter.
Tucked behind the SWA’s pink boas, tiaras, and the philosophy of the Tools and Arts, not to mention the vehicle of its delivery, Regena’s charismatic teaching, is this essential perspective. Sister Goddesses are women who are restoring this deep knowing and live it actively in their very modern worlds.
As a psychotherapist, how has your experience with the school influenced how you view/practice psychotherapy?
Traditional psychotherapy lends itself well to reflecting on and naming one’s personal history. Hundreds of techniques for doing so are practiced every day by counselors who seek to minimize the emotional suffering of their clients. I used to be one of them. My experience at the SWA has shifted my practice of psychotherapy tremendously because I now focus on increasing a client’s tolerance for pleasure.
Therapy has to liberate itself from the consulting room and consider the social conditions of a woman’s life. Women have been socially conditioned to think negatively about themselves and therefore not only require new thinking but a community to reinforce a healthy lifestyle. Women require a way of communicating that reflects the language of their “psyche,” the latin word for soul. This language is the language of pleasure, in which a woman reveals her desires and celebrates herself as uniquely woman.
Women are made of pleasure right down to their biology. And, it is through pleasure-practices that a woman opens to her full potential and emotional health. I now draw on the best of what traditional therapy has to offer and use the Tools and Arts in the form of homework with clients to assist them in living in a new way. If you are interested in more of my thoughts on pleasure and women’s emotional health check out my article “A Clinical Case for Pleasure.”
What excites you about your new bootcamp program?
I absolutely love the Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp curriculum. When I saw that Regena had not taught her book Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, which introduces all of the Tools and Arts, I was thrilled to design it. We live in a culture that renders us handless maidens. You know the mythology? A woman is victimized so badly that she becomes lost and helpless against the challenges of her inner and outer life. She suffers without taking real action towards her happiness.
Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp is the direct route to changing this in every woman. The methodological teaching and practicing of each Tool and Art grows a woman’s hands and therefore her power to transform her world in the direction of her deepest desires. Doing this within a ten-week period is just the kind of intensity that can make for sustained pleasure and happiness where there was once ongoing pain.
One of my very adorable opinions that I share with amazing feminine leaders is that a sex positive world is at the heart of feminism.
What exactly is a sex positive world, you might ask? Wikipedia, the top listing when “sex positive” is Googled, has this sentence as the opener: “The sex positive movement is an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits.”
Huh?
As you read on, the article does a better job at accurately describing “sex positive,” though I definitely wondered if someone at Fox News wrote the first sentence. “An ideology that promotes open sexuality with few limits.” ??? That is so … ridiculous (and polarizing, but I’ll just focus on the ridiculous).
Like the words suggest, a sex positive world is one that has a positive view of sex. A world that has a positive view of sex supports individuals in the grand and mandatory research project of discovering what is sexually fulfilling. It’s grand because there are a zillion possible expressions. It’s mandatory because every human has sex organs that they need to figure out.
For some, “sexual fulfillment” will mean “open sexuality with few limits.” However, for most folks, it will mean living in a world where everyone …
can receive a straight-up education about the thrills and pitfalls of physical pleasure.
deeply understands it is their birth right to experience true physical pleasure.
is lovingly encouraged to connect with physical pleasure in a way that is steeped in response ability to self and others.
respects all the many expressions that will arise (as long as they don’t harm anyone or anything.)
Limits are an absolute necessity of sexual pleasure and are self-defined. One will never arrive at authentic sexual pleasure without them.
As most of you know, I am living some big questions about meditation and feminine spirituality. These recent contemplations naturally bring me back to my time as a meditator. There are so many things which are undeniably cool about meditation. For me, at the top of this list, meditation is an amazing revealer of our actual experience. Ten years ago, meditation revealed something HUGE to me that I can finally describe.
I have a Master’s degree in Contemplative (Buddhist) Psychotherapy from Naropa University. This three year program involved being part of a 20ish person community that took every class together, participated in a group process (like therapy) and attended two private month long meditation retreats. The idea was that as we learned about western psychology, Buddhist philosophy and practiced meditation, we would begin to re-examine our upbringing and become aware of our “habitual patterns.” We would then naturally act them out within the group and hope to work them out with each other. The meditation practice and retreats would take us further into ourselves and surrender, as we returned to our outbreath and learned to meet whatever arose with unconditional loving kindness. Phew, I know. Quite a dynamic and unique program. I was all about it.
Since writing “MENitation,” I have reflected on how I benefited from my former meditation practice and this Master’s program. Though I graduated from Naropa with girlfriends who will always be like family to me, my most painful moment occurred in sisterhood gone wrong. I tell you the following story to illustrate how women bred in a masculine dominant paradigm compete and create walls between each other.
What I now can clearly name as female competition, just looked like a series of bitchy mishaps with … let’s call her Josephine, a Naropa classmate. Every time Josephine and I tried to connect, we just kept having one awkward interaction after the next. Eventually she decided that she didn’t … (gulp) … like me and began to give me the cold shoulder.
There was definitely a part of me that didn’t care and knew whatever she had conjured up in her mind was hers. And there was another (bigger) part of me that felt very affected by a ton of passive-aggressive energy being swung at me every day at school. Somewhere in there I asked her if we could talk and she said yes, but we never did.
At our second year meditation retreat, I was the last one to arrive. Before I met up with the group, I stopped at the meditation hall to drop of my cushion which I plopped down at the first available spot. The next morning when the retreat began, I found myself sitting right next to her. Now I can only imagine what a truly wise and compassionate person would do in this situation. I, however, went with my adorable ego and thought: F*ck her. I’m not moving.
And thus began one of the most arduous experiences of my Naropa stint. Every outbreath returned me to a cement wall of stuck, unexpressed, tense, restricted, pressured, misunderstood frustration. EVERY outbreath threw me up against this wall, like a panther pacing in a cage, over and over and over again.
When Josephine and I finally got teamed up for a creative project, we had to work things out. She felt terrible at this point and copped to creating a mess between us. I, armed with a roll of toilet paper, watched my cement wall dissolve with every tear as I sobbed and told her how I felt. In all honesty, she explained that she was triggered by my identification as a pretty and sexy woman and that she had a judgment that it was much more valuable to be smart than attractive.
And there falls the axe between modern women.
Attractive or smart? Whore or Madonna? Truthful or polite? On one extreme, if we choose the smart and polite Madonna, we must pretend to be rational creatures and live life denying our emotional and sensual design. On the other extreme, if we choose the attractive and truthful whore, we are exiled from society, living a lifetime of judgment from the very system that enjoys us. It is in the navigation between these poles that the modern woman feels her riddle.
Quick history lesson: Archeological evidence suggests that approximately 5,000 years ago, the shift from hunter-gatherer societies to farming societies enabled a paradigm of male domination. Tribes would fight for the land and women from conquered tribes were enslaved and made a commodity. This created two camps of women: the noble/married women and the slaves who were bought and sold for their ability to pleasure and reproduce. Within this domination paradigm, both groups of women lost ownership of their sexuality. This paradigm persisted for 5,000 years and has only begun to cease with the education and liberation of western women within the last century.
Five thousand years of ownership has left modern women with almost zero reverence for our inherent sexual design. Estranged from our greatest source of power, we compete, as it seems like the only other path. In my opinion, female competition is so painful because it is not our primary design, it is something we resort to.
In retrospect, I now see the wall I experienced during that meditation retreat not only my ego’s refusal to be vulnerable, but a wall that was errected 5,000 years ago. A wall that separates almost all women from a sane experience of their source and from the ease of sisterhood.
Uniting under the truth of our sensuality not only makes these tussles null and void, it unleashes the love we truly yearn for. I believe this is one of the many reasons my intuition continuously whispers to me, “Dara, the path of feminine self-actualization and compassion exists in igniting the world below our hearts, not in calming the world above.”
This article was originally published at Roots of She.
I love the name of this site: “Roots of She”. I feel a deep resonance whenever I land on the home page and read the header. For me, the “Roots of She” are sisterhood. Well, not just sisterhood … affirming sisterhood.
Imagine what it would be like if all the females in your life…
only affirmed you
told you you’re beautiful
reflected that your feelings are perfect
reminded you that you will find your way
applauded all your decisions
saw how wildly creative you are
celebrated your tremendous connection to the eternal
thought all of your desires are beautiful
commended all of your research skills
said that you make their life better
felt that you are an inspiration
believed in you with every cell of their body
Sound too good to be true?
It’s not. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered that this amount of love is possible when a pack of women come together to celebrate, honor and anchor into their emotionality. Radically loving sisterhood, like few modern women experience, is unabashedly liberated.
One of the big reasons that this type of sisterhood evades most of us is that we live in a culture that is quite clueless about emotions and ironically, all the helpful advice we love to bestow can often divide rather than unite us.
Have you ever been in a profound river of emotion, tears pouring down your face, surrendering to and disclosing all of your “irrational” fears, judgments and feelings, and someone starts giving you advice?
I think I speak for many when I say I CANNOT STAND WHEN THIS HAPPENS.
I’ve encountered this situation with every possible person: relatives, friends, ex-boyfriends, my spouse, and even with therapists and healers. And I am no innocent either. Though in general I consider myself sensitive to the vulnerability of others, my “amazing” advice and feedback have often rudely cut in front of my intuition to simply empathize.
Though we are all so full of great ideas and suggestions, poorly timed solving and fixing usually makes things worse. Trying to make someone feel better can often times impede a sacred emotional process that when traversed, unveils a boatload of intuition, truth, peace and desire.
After 40 years of experiencing my emotional body, I finally have the wisdom to say (often to my husband) “please hold off on the advice, I just need to be heard.” I pretty much need to remind him every time I am having an emotional bout that his desire to fix the situation will be satisfied if he just listens.
In therapeutic settings, empathic listening is called “witnessing” or “holding the space,” though in my desire to bridge this therapeutic skill with the mainstream, I like to refer to it as “seeing” someone. We ALL, so simply and profoundly, need to be seen.
Next time a loved one is surfing an emotional swell, just listen and maybe say, “Ugh, that sounds so hard.” OR if you are busting at the seams to offer advice, simply ask, “Do you want me to just listen or do you want to know what I think?” I LOVE when someone asks me this question. I feel so respected … and seen.
Every time we regard a sister’s emotional waves as sacred and take faith that her tears are the only brilliant thing that needs to be expressed, the “Roots of She” smile and grow strong.
The word “coach” usually elicits images of stressed-out, angry men standing on the sidelines. However, life coaching is all about creativity, nurturance and becoming. Thus, in my eyes this profession is 100% divinely feminine.
I hired a coach in November when I finally admitted that all the successful people I admired had one. It was one of THE BEST decisions I made in 2010.Thus, for your reading pleasure only, I compiled the top ten things I adore about coaching:
Deepest Truth. Good coaches know they aren’t going to get anywhere unless the client is rooted beyond rooted in their deepest truths. Coaching is always on the hunt for “resonance,” unveiling and attending to all the things that make a client light up from the depths.
Protection. Anyone who dares to live their genius is going to have some major (MAJOR) tussles with doubt. Coaches take on the task of warding off doubt. I can’t tell you how helpful it has been to have someone on my team who specializes in getting doubt to take a hike.
More Protection. Not only does doubt have something to worry about when you have a coach on your side, but so do negative emotions and beliefs. When an emotion or belief somehow takes the center stage of my business, my coach is there to identify the culprit, find out what it has to offer and then position it to serve, not sabotage.
Coaches don’t believe in the impossible. When I think I have hit a dead end, my coach shines her torch on all the other options that I was completely ignoring because I was so focused on the dead end. Coaches = possibilities.
Coaches bring on the Vitamin See.Yes, as you can imagine, this is one of my faves and was one of my main reasons for hiring my coach. I realized I had dug myself into a professional hole of solitude and when you don’t have any reflection (especially if you are woman) you are taking the long, hard, and in my adorable opinion, destructive road.
Coaches push creative edges. However I might think things are going to look and take shape, my coach always pushes my creative edge towards bigger, better and easier. Love this.
Coaches are a well of resources. So I don’t get bogged down by all the minutiae I must accomplish, my coach offers wonderful referrals. Since we have regularly scheduled appointments, I have an “ask Tanya” list that frees up a lot of mental space.
Accountability. Everyone who works their online biz from home (which is probably 99% of folks) knows that the dark side is all the potential distraction (Facebook, online shopping and Celebitchy are some of my faves.) Coaches provide structure, finish lines, someone to answer to and hold you accountable within the nebulousness of working from home.
Coaching is on the phone. I don’t have to hustle across town, find parking or pay a meter. I just plug in my headset, find a quiet, kid-free place, and it’s on.
Coaches CHEER YOU ON AND CELEBRATE! Since they are on the frontlines, they see all the big AND small accomplishments and insist that ALL of them are honored. It’s so fab and important.
There is a coach for every type and every need, thus, if I piqued your interest definitely shop around. Here is a small list of coaches I know personally and/or party with on twitter:
Tanya Geisler: My coach. She’s what inspired everything I wrote above, so I could have named this article “Top Ten Reasons I Love Tanya Geisler.” Need I say more?
Michele Lisenbury Christensen: I met Michele when she took my Volver course last year. Michele IS awake and grinning and if you work with her, you will be also. This woman knows from the depths AND the heights.
Carissa Morris: A two time Volver grad AND “School of Womanly Arts” alum, Coach Carissa is transforming the bleak waters of dating into a sacred place where women can unleash their FUNdamental rightness. She is also a genius at working with LGBTQ community.
Joanne Tombrakos: Joanne is a straight shot business and life coach. She had a 25 year LOVE affair with corporate America AND is a woman who lives from her deepest feminine powers. An indomitable combination.
Jeffrey Platts: “Real Deal Relating” is the tagline for this cutting edge coach who is shining the light on authenticity and relationships. With a special interest in dating, Jeffrey desires that all of our human interactions be rooted in true presence. I feel the most refreshing breeze when I think about what he is bringing to the world.
Jenny Ferry What a great name, right? Jenny describes herself as a “serial thriver,” “agent of desire,” and an “ambassador of turn {on}.” Are you feeling this? Board her boat and you will be “ferried” to a life rooted in primal truth.
Heather Plett I know this magnificent Goddess from the Twittersphere and her passion for feminine leadership, community, creativity and a socially just world is fabulously fierce. My kind of feeler, thinker and sister.
Julie Daley is unabashedly female (LOVE it.) She is a deep sea diva with an over the moon connection to compassion and truth. Working with her will help you find AND live your “jewel”, the gift you were created to give.
Before you dive into this one, please know that although I currently do not meditate, I have a deep respect for meditation and imagine that I will one day practice again. My desire for this post (and every post on my site) is to create awareness of our feminine essence.
Meditation is a male spiritual practice.
From 1999-2006, I was heavy on the Buddhist meditation path. By 2006, after establishing a thriving Buddhist inspired psychotherapy practice, I made things official and took refuge with a renowned teacher. Things took an unexpected turn when within months of becoming pregnant, my love for Buddhism and its practices … tanked. Though I knew Buddhism was no longer my path, I was miffed as to why a view I loved so dear suddenly felt useless.
Clarity arrived while listening to David Deida’s Enlightened Sex CD set where he discusses the differences between the masculine and feminine essences. He distinguishes the following:
Where the feminine essence prefers connection and togetherness in times of strife, the masculine essence likes to figure it out solo. Are you familiar with the Hero’s Journey? The hero goes off to be alone in order to find his truth, just like the monks meditating in caves. Independence is the route.
Where the feminine essence performs and receives attention, the masculine essence is the observer who watches. Think of all the dudes who love to watch sports, the scientist who stands back and observes his environment, and the utter nirvana many guys feel when watching the tube.
Where the feminine essence bases her experience on how she feels, the masculine essence sources thoughts and beliefs. Ask most men how they felt about something and you might as well have said “ufhdjhfkjdhfpiuwfhkjsbpiUGTPWIfpif.” Ask them what they think about something and you will get a plethora of information.
After making these and many other incredible distinctions between the feminine and masculine essence, Deida states that meditation is a “male spiritual practice” because you sit alone, observing your thoughts.
For a woman who spent most of her life proving how independent and rational she was, this description hit me like a ton of bricks.
Meditation is a spiritual tool created by brilliant men to soften our ego’s. The ego IS the male essence: the part of us that experiences separateness, that wants structure, facts, wants things to make sense, add up, be fixed and practical. The wonderful left brain. Without it, we’d all be happily sitting around staring at each other unable to speak.
Though many eastern philosophies would like to convince us differently – our egos are rather phenomenal. They administer tons of goodness and kindness. Things go awry in our inner and outer world when the ego believes it is in service of itself, AKA unawareness. This is one of the main reasons why meditation is extraordinary. It tames our ego and shows us that there is something else, completely beyond conception, that is driving the human experience. When we realize this, we can position our ego to create goodness.
Am I saying women shouldn’t meditate? No, no, no. All beings have a feminine and masculine essence, which means that all women have egos, thus meditation is a relevant spiritual tool.
However, I can’t help but wonder if male created spiritual practices, designed to address the ego through solitude and discipline, are best suited for those whose male essence is primary? I am currently living this question.
As a mom and a healer, I believe that the feminine essence creates egos and keeps them healthy/in service of our deepest truth. It is through divine relationship, pleasure and our desire for something more that our feminine truth is honored. Quite the opposite of meditation.
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