March 27, 2010
Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as my blog was complete I hit that infamous wall called “writers block.” Funny how that works. I’ve even had moments of “do I really have anything interesting to say? Is my blog going to be one of the many that sit idle with no comments/tweets and is only updated a few times a year?” Brutal. There were many great topics rolling around in my mind, yet none of them felt visceral and demanded to be written. Then I began searching online for a star photo and this article flowed through.
The star symbol has shined bright in my psyche lately. In Mayan astrology the “star” symbolizes the energy of harmony, beauty, giving/receiving love and the ability to shine bright in front of others. In my Mayan astrology chart the “star” is my achilles heel, my obstacle, which for me translates into having a ton of ambivalence about shining bright.
Where some stand in front of crowds with ease and grace, soaking up every last drop of love and attention, I freeze up. Yep, me. Give me a great cause or a hot Nia routine and I can hide out in my leadership ability, but anyone who is very sensitive to energy can clearly feel my discomfort in the moments when it is simply me.
So added to my 2010 desire list is to let myself be a STAR. From this day forward I am researching the move of going from low light to STARlight.
One of the reasons this has been so tricky for me is the barrage of judgments I had about people acting “better” or “superior” and that blatantly outshining others was lame – good people “should” be humble. Ugh I know, I was so confused and I clearly see a trail of difficult situations that were created due to my inability to claim my … stardom.
These crazy beliefs, that are currently falling victim to my self-love sledgehammer, are epidemic. Women are taught to keep their lights dim for fear that they might make someone feel bad, or worse, induce the poison arrows of envy and jealousy. Turns out this psychology benefits no one.
Rockstar, superstar, stardom, whatever you want to call it, I am a junkie for the truth and the truth is I am a STAR. I am a brilliant light of energy that synthesizes my unique path into gifts that shine beautifully on the world. Yep, me. And YOU are a STAR also. You are a brilliant light of energy that synthesizes your unique path into gifts that shine beautifully on the world. Ahhhhh, the truth feels so good.
We are ALL stars and that is the extra special bonus to this whole set-up on earth. The night sky is beautiful with a single star, gorgeous with a few hundred stars, but it is only when the sky is blazing with gazillions of stars that we are filled with pure awe, knowing deeply that we are part of something magical.
March 27, 2010
After a wonderful jaunt with WordPress Goddess Shannon Kuykendall and design Goddess Nityia Przewlocki I am beside myself happy to announce la Volver Blog.
In true Volver fashion this Blog has some HUGE and beautiful desires:
I desire this blog be a beacon for goodness. Some of the things I will be writing about include pleasure, love, beauty, intuition, possibility, P*ssy, emotions, chakras, desire, self-love, truth, individuality, body, divinity, motherhood, flirtation, compassion, egolessness, creativity, sensuality, sisterhood, trust, celebration, energy, art, rightfulness and magic … to name a few.
I desire this blog to be as enjoyable as your favorite magazine. Where you will enjoy the latest of my adorable rants, “Returning” interviews with divine feminine/energy rock stars, “Dara’s Favorite Things” and general awesomeness that is sure to make our world a better place.
I desire to be a Top 50 Blogger.
Are you out there reading this? Are you feeling a twinge of excitement? Would you do me the BIGGEST honor and bless my blog with your three greatest pleasures du jour? Right here, right now – leave a comment with three things that switch you to “ON.” That remind you of your rightful place. That “RETURN” you to yourself.
OK – I’ll go first. Three of my most favorite pleasures are:
• A unique pair of shoes.
• A super warm bath (followed by sleeping naked between 400 thread count sheets!)
• An amazing Nia class.
What about “sex” you wonder? Yes, sex is definitely one of my greatest pleasures – AND our culture is quick to equate the word “pleasure” with sex. While sex is a phenomenally powerful pleasure, human enjoyment and sensuality encompasses much more than the sublime pleasures of sexual ecstasy.
So with that said, what are your fav-o-flav pleausures??? What do you LOVE about this physical experience we call life?
Beaming with appreciation,
Dara
March 10, 2010
How perfect that my blog is born on my 39th birthday! As I reflect on all there is to celebrate about my thirties, I can’t help but think back to my birthday week when I turned 29, which I still say was the most divine week of my life. I discovered Nia, finished losing 15 pounds, inherited enough money to pay for my Masters degree at Naropa University and had an amazing first date with my husband, all within a 7 day period. It was surreal.
Here I am 10 years later, living in Seattle, packing those 15 (or 20) pounds, married to David, with a 4 year old girl, a baby boy, Volver, Zing and LOTS of connection, laughs, friendship and love with my man. Marrying David and creating our family are certainly my greatest brags of the decade, AND I have two more that rock my world.
First, I radically trust myself: my desires, my intuition and my truth. RADICALLY. Second, my sister is one of my closest friends. After 30 + years of relationship strife, we now bask in the sublime pleasures of true sisterhood. I have Mama Gena to thank for both of these brags. She is no joke.
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Anniversary David!
Welcome to this world Volver blog! May you be a beacon for all that is awesome.
March 10, 2010
I am sooooooo NOT sorry and it feels so good. After a lifetime of being sorry, I finally realized this word was coming out of my mouth WAY too much. “I am so sorry,” “sorry about that,” “sorry.” I was using this word as a phonetic gavel – “my fault,” “I’m wrong,” “my bad.” I used to pride myself on my ability to take “responsibility,” and would be bummed if I thought I was owed a “sorry.” Now I hardly say it at all and often wince when I hear people use it.
Besides expressing compassion “I am sorry your father passed away,” “sorry” is mostly used to convey that you are at fault and regretful. However, if we examine the situations we are eager to apologize for, we usually find that we did nothing wrong at all.
Listen for who is saying “sorry” and for what reason. What you will undoubtedly notice is that women say it often and many women use the word 10-30 times/day. Like my beautiful mother’s helper Ingrid. This Goddess, who many of you have heard me brag about, must have said “I’m sorry” 30 times during her first two days of working with me. I finally conveyed that my house was a sorry-free zone and she needed to say “I am so adorable” instead, which she happily did. Even when she walked in on me pumping breast milk out of both boobs. “I am so adorable” she smiled.
As I see it for us compulsive sorry sayers, saying sorry to be polite or to take “responsibility” is another yucky energy leak (a belief/behavior that drains your life-force energy versus infusing you with it.) It perpetuates dualistic thinking by fueling the illusion that there is right and wrong. This pretend world of right and wrong breeds guilt, self-doubt, and suffocates the beautiful needs and talents of our energy body.
But don’t listen to me. Check it out for yourself and have fun doing it. Make tomorrow a “sorry-free day.” Count how often you say it and/or catch yourself wanting to say it. If you really want to go for the gold, replace it with “I am so adorable” – because you truly are.
March 7, 2010
Lots to read these days about Vitamin D deficiency and how it plays an important role in immunity. However, I know of a more dangerous deficiency that is currently plaguing the human race: we are all severely lacking in Vitamin See.
I know most of you have never even heard of Vitamin See, but it is a huge, huge, huge player in our physical health. And, as you probably can guess, is at the very heart of the feminine essence.
Would you rather be seen and loved or trusted and successful? This is the defining question David Deida refers to when exploring whether one has a feminine or masculine essence. Whatever side of the fence you land (or somewhere in between,) being seen is an absolute necessity for ALL human beings and is life-blood for the feminine essence.
Vitamin See is a no-brainer for babies and children. They demand it and we pour it on, creating an obvious positive outcome. Then we become “rational adults” and suddenly our need for Vitamin See is hung in the closet. With no map for guiding us to this critical necessity, we are all left to fend for ourselves. We either become desperate from our hunger for it, fueling competition and posturing, or pretend it’s not important, leaving us drained and depressed
The great news is Vitamin See deficiency is so easily cured it’s almost silly. There are many angles to take, but here is one of my favorites: Pick someone you know and begin recognizing a few of the many ways they show up for this wild ride. Appreciate how much courage, conviction and tenacity it has taken them to negotiate life.
Or even better, start seeing yourself. Begin writing down a few of the many decisions you have made that brought you to this very moment. There have been hundreds in the past week and millions in your lifetime thus far. Decisions are difficult to make. It has been far from easy to arrive here and you did it. Let yourself reflect, bask and soak up this truth.
I know, there is so much to see.
Over the last year and a half, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing and experiencing the mind-blowing effects of Vitamin See consciously solicited and elegantly administered. Once added back into our relationship diet, you see eyes light up, lungs exhale and peace cascade down bodies. Like a flower receiving essential sunlight and water – people simply blossom into their most beautiful potential when they are truly seen.
Our culture primarily teaches our wee ones to be trusted and successful, with minimal attention toward the art of being seen. Imagine a world that takes care of this very basic human need from birth until death in a way that is upfront, honest and clean. Wow. I have the chills just imagining all of the energy that would be unleashed to create the lives we really desire.
How do you get your Vitamin See?
Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation 
)
March 7, 2010
I admit it, one of my favorite things to do these days is annihilate the competition … between women. Competition is quite a wonderful and necessary thing in itself. It makes sport exhilarating, is essential for a healthy economy and overall inspires us to reach higher. However, competition among women, or what can be called relational/social competition, ewe – nasty stuff.
Some of you know exactly what I am referring to, others “kind of get it” but they can’t put their finger on it, and some of you are totally in the dark. So here it is: spoken or unspoken, it’s the judgments, the criticism, the shoulds, the jealousy, the envy, the self-deprecation, the comparisons, the unsolicited advice, the out-doing, the out-knowing, the once-over followed by silence, the celebratory void of a sister’s accomplishment, the “why her and not me?” It’s the hesitance to declare one’s glory, it’s being ruled by false humility, it’s the belief that women are “back-stabbing bitches,” it’s fear. And if this isn’t bad enough – the effects are worse. It separates us from each other, creates worlds of self-doubt, and disses our divinity.
These behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are residual from 5 millennia of female competition. It is one of the biggest energy leaks happening on the planet. Imagine if you could get back all the time you have spent involved in unconscious competition with your friends and sisters.
Well, I bring great news: the whole thing is a sham – competition is not of our female essence.
I know, I know – all humans possess both the male and female essence and yes about ten percent of us have female parts and at our core of cores of cores feel male (and visa versa), or some of us find it impossible to choose one. For the rest of us, at our core of cores of cores we are either male or female, and this is huge. This means that people who possess a feminine essence aren’t designed to compete, it is not our nature, it is not what we do well.
What are we designed to do? What is our nature? What do we do really really REALLY well? We admire, we appreciate, we love. A woman can celebrate life like no other - it’s ridiculously amazing. And yes, I deeply believe this divine ability of ours is going to bring forth the better world we are all longing for.
So next time you find yourself going down a competitive hole with a sister – stop. Instead, I invite you to do her, the world and above all yourself a whole lot of good and tell her how much you appreciate one of her MANY beautiful qualities. If she shrugs it off, minimizes it and says, “oh, it’s nothing,” invite her to soak up the long, overdue recognition she deserves. Most importantly, make note of how your energy body feels when you choose to step off the competition hamster wheel and board the private jet plane of appreciation.
Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation )
March 7, 2010
Volver has a bold tagline: “Returning Pleasure and Balance to the World.” I know if I had read this tagline a few years back I would have scratched my head and thought “cute.” This article will begin explaining the ever dynamic and beautifully deep “pleasure” concept and how it is a woman’s true source of power.
Not so long ago I prided myself on being independent, rational, hard working, direct and practical. I loved these qualities and they seemed to work great for me … until I had my daughter.
After her birth, it felt like these traits turned on me. The more I used them the worse my life became. I truly felt like I was drying out, losing my life-force, losing my juice. Now I look back and laugh at how adorable I was – these beloved qualities were all male. I had a pretend penis.
So let’s flip them: independent to dependent, rational to emotional, hard working to pleasured, direct to magnetic, practical to magical. Dependent, emotional, pleasured, magnetic and magical. Did your mama teach you how to lead a life lead rooted in these attributes? Me neither.
In our culture you probably learned the male qualities and if you were very, very, (very) lucky, you learned both. And here’s the real bummer for women who mainly developed yang energy: when you have a feminine essence, leading with male qualities is inefficient, stressful and draining. (Phew, I feel tired just writing about it.)
So how can we women return to our ultra-efficient feminine essence? The answer lies in one simple question: “What can I do right now that would be pleasurable to me?” Asking ourselves this Q is a profound move that slices through our male psychology, instantly returning us to ourselves and our divine power.
It bypasses the pressure to do it right, to be liked, to accomplish, to compete, to know, to be secure, to have enough, to be independent and to be productive. It flips the ego on its head. Whatever the answer to this Q, it is always something that is energy infusing, satiating and in most cases, happiness inducing.
And here is the real fun: a pleasure-centered woman is irresistible. She gets what she wants and shares it with her loved ones times 100. She beams with confidence and takes refuge in creativity.
Nowadays, women are experiencing more success and power then ever. While this seems like great news, if this power and success is at the expense of pleasure and happiness, then in my opinion, it can’t be worth it.
Unhappy women don’t really believe in themselves, thus they don’t really get what they want. They make unhappy mothers, who make unhappy children, who attract unhappy situations. The whole thing is a mess. Maybe a mess you are familiar with.
Don’t listen to me though. Check it out. What are your top 10 pleasures? For 24 hours research how it feels to make them a sacred part of your day. See if you glow, wear a soft smile or are a joy to be around when you “return pleasure.”
Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation )
February 25, 2010
As most of you know or have read, I have a fairly strong background in Buddhism as evidenced by my M.A. in Contemplative Psychotherapy (Buddhist Psychology.) Two years ago however, I became inspired to pack up my altar and replace it with a fluffy, red-feather boa. I know, a feather boa doesn’t seem very sacred. In fact, it seems silly. That’s what I initially thought. But this accessory has so much spiritual meaning to me now that when I see it, a smile instantly crosses my face.
The boa is an adornment with a long history. It is meant to elicit fun, femininity, sensuality, flirtation, pleasure, and dance. It has both an elegant and vulgar reputation. I know of a movement of women who have come to see the boa as a mighty reminder of their powerful essence. They strategically hide them in their desks at work, lockers and cars. After they merge onto the super highway of our western culture and hit 80 mph with the pressure to achieve and produce, they fling open the desk drawer and surprise! There is that silly boa, reminding them to say “weeeeeeeeeee!!!!” And from this thrilling place, they are a true force to be reckoned with.
Here’s my story:
Four years ago the Buddha and I were doing great. I had a full contemplative psychotherapy practice and I had found a dharma teacher. I studied with him all year and took his month-long winter retreat when I was four months pregnant.
It ended up being an arduous month. I couldn’t connect to the practice, wasn’t inspired by the teachings, was irritated by the chanting and spent most of my time admiring the beautiful mauve shawl worn by the woman sitting in front of me. By week three, fantasies of dragging my suitcase to the road and hitching a ride to Denver seemed reasonable. I confided to my roommate that I wanted to leave, to which she replied, “You’re just running from yourself.” I stayed.
The final week felt like a year and when it was over I was the first one in the car. This retreat was the kick-off to a two-year journey into motherhood riddled with doubt and fear. My turmoil eventually led me to a mind-blowing lesson in self-celebration and the divine feminine at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. I never used to believe in happiness, but these days I am very happy.
What is self-celebration? In a nutshell, self-celebration is the practice of recognizing, appreciating and delighting in how amazing we all are. It is an incredible discipline for anyone, but especially for oppressed populations as it is a tremendous reclamation of joy and goodness.
Although all of my new outlooks were bringing amazing things to my life, I couldn’t reconcile my new views with my old ones. Why did Buddhism seem to suddenly not apply? I got my answer while listening to David Deida’s “Enlightened Sex” CD. He pointed out that sitting meditation was a “male spiritual practice” where one “sat alone, observing thoughts.” This sentence hit me like a ton of bricks.
For most of my adult life, I was one of those women who pretended to identify with the masculine side of things. You know, I thought I was so rational, independent and practical. Being pregnant brought my masculine views to a startling halt. With my daughter growing in my belly and hormones raging through my blood, I realized I was creation and creation was all woman.
But the larger truth I was facing was that this creative life-force energy yearned for more and wanted BIG. From a warm chai and 600 thread count sheets to fair trade and the happiness of all children. My desires were huge and full of goodness. For the first time, I let myself go full-throttle on what I wanted and instead of turning into a hungry ghost, I found a well of possibility and beauty. It was after this epiphany that I decided to research a spiritual practice that was all divinely femme. This meant a discipline that was drenched in sisterhood, celebration, creativity and desires. The results were and continue to be magical.
With all this said, seven years of studying Buddhism are not in vain. I have had this article floating around my head for over a year. I believe I am eager to write it now as I am beginning to integrate my Buddhist education with my pleasure pursuits. After all, mindfulness of thoughts and body are fundamental in realizing our glorious truth. And unconditional loving-kindness, aka Maitri, well she is the cat’s meow. But what is really turning me on these days is that self-awareness, though key, is empty without self-celebration AND self-celebration goes much, much farther when rooted in self-awareness. It is the two together that create an indomitable force.
