Hi there! I'm so glad you're visiting. If you dig PROVOCATIVE and SOUL-STIRRING FEMININE TRUTH, then get cozy and make yourself at home. This site is for you.
Why would you read my blog, participate in a workshop and spend your valuable time contemplating the feminine mystery? I can only imagine you are hungry for a relevant, affirming and mighty experience of your feminine essence.
VOLVER’s offerings are crafted to encourage emotional integrity, supportive relationships and the ability to wildly meet the wildness of life. Though the personal benefit is tremendous, at the core of VOLVER’s feast is the desire to return a feminine legacy that is rich with the above.
Returning an affirming feminine legacy is VOLVER’s greatest reason for being.
You may have already noticed that the majority of women in the world are without an affirming legacy. This means that our mothers were unable to offer the information that empowers our womanhood. In many cultures like ours, this void has existed for thousands of years and in my adorable opinion, has and continues to cause loads of unnecessary suffering for women and men.
When I close my eyes and imagine this legacy restored, I see a beautiful web that connects all women. It is delicate, requires care and reverence, and is also indestructible. This web has taken some major blows in the last five millennia and despite all the aggression, it still exists today.
You’ve read it here: WHY: I believe that an affirming feminine legacy is nature’s greatest creative and healing force. HOW: I stand for and express this belief by inviting readers/participants to contemplate, research and align with the gifts of their feminine essence. WHAT: This soulful site and my workshops that return women to themselves and best of all … to each other.
Phew. Now that I got that all out, if you would like to participate in the WHAT, so you can experience the HOW and return the WHY, my next “Belonging & The Body” course is Saturday December 10th from 2-6pm and is the last “Belonging and The Body” course until March/April. REGISTRATION ENDS THIS SUNDAY: DECEMBER 4th. To score your spot and to infuse this holiday season AND Seattle winter with your feminine power->Click.
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Though there are many indomitable forces of woman nature, one of my absolute favorites is beauty. And ugh, before I write more, I need to stop and give beauty a great, big hug. Poor girl. She catches so much crap.
In our culture, beauty is a wildly confusing concept. Mainstream media’s definitions of women make us too skinny, hyper-sexual, with implants and tons of make-up. This caricature is adopted by many young women as the ideal/norm which leads to a pressure filled existence that is vulnerable to self-loathing.
Then, there are the “smart” women who judge media’s caricature as being superficial, dumb and sexualized. Many “smart” women reject the notion of beauty all together and devote their lives to being “practical.” I see this all over Seattle. Mega smart women, head to toe in REI.
No matter how hard many women try, we are thousands of years out (though most likely never) from ever being free of this beauty thing. Prior to the last 50 years, our survival for thousands of years was dependent on being attractive.
As we can clearly see in the many outwardly beautiful women who are miserable, physical beauty only takes us so far. Being attractive is a much deeper phenomenon that is deeply rooted in confidence.
Whether or not you actually “are” beautiful is a subjective hellhole, thus, a complete waste of your time. However, feeling beautiful? Feeling beautiful is a potent goldmine of feminine power that is free from mirrors, media and materialism. It is a radiant, glowing, high vibratory hum of sparkling energy that attracts others.
I believe feeling beautiful depends on three simple things:
1) Affirming sisterhood. Back in the day we relied on the reflection in water and the eyes of other women to know how we looked. Even today, we can stare in the mirror all we want, but when your best girlfriend gives you the once over and says, “You look great!” -> your cells smile. As important as it is to “validate” yourself, we are communal beings that are dependent on the eyes of others.
2) Sensual pleasure. I am not just talking orgasm (though it definitely counts). Did you ever go swimming in the ocean, skin connected to sun and sand as your body undulates with the force of the current. When you come out of the water you are flushed, relaxed, radiating from your connection to the elements. You could have mascara running down your face, but you will FEEL beautiful. This is true for anything that pleasures a woman. Giggles with girlfriends, your favorite food, a beautiful outfit, rollerblading on the boardwalk, dancing, art … you name it. When we are turned on by our true passions, our beauty shines. Happiness is the core of true beauty.
3) Beauty is sacred. Beauty is a spiritual force that inspires our connection to the divine. Women are the ambassadors of this truth and this is reflected in the body of EVERY woman. Despite all the forces that encourage us to think differently, the bottom line truth is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL (I know, this is difficult news for many.) Take a moment to stop comparing and judging yourself and you will see it … it’s always right there. The softness. The curves. The smile. It’s in the DNA of all women. If you choose to see and celebrate the sacred truth of your beauty, you will naturally adore/adorn yourself as a gesture to the divine. Every morning, I bathe and carefully choose beautiful earrings, maybe a flower for my hair and a little lip gloss. These offerings to the “temple of Dara” ensure that I FEEL beautiful. When I feel beautiful, everyone around me enjoys my buzz … and my beauty.
I look forward to a world that not only teaches women the power of their minds but the sacred power of feeling beautiful. Owning both is the future of feminism.
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It’s here! My Ultra Divine Guide To the Online World. Sisters, I so desire that this post give you you an ease-filled perspective on having and creating an online presence.
Volver took off into the online world roughly two and a half years ago. It has been quite a journey with many highs and lows. There was a lot to figure out with a lot of people giving advice on how I should do it. Then it seemed that as soon as I figured it out, things would change. After 30 months of partying online and sifting through tons of advice, ideas, strategies and virtual assistants -> THIS is what I know for sure:
A website is a great way to maintain and engage the relationships with the folks who appreciate your genius. A website is not the main meal. It is the most delicious side dish. This may not seem true for some sites, but I believe it is true for most. The main meal is your genius and the strong relationships with people who love your genius. Websites are great at facilitating this.
Since your genius and the thoughts about your genius are always evolving, changing and innovating, you need a website that can do the same. These websites are called “content driven” sites, which means they have a blog that is updated with all your current happenings and musings. Just as in real life, people love to know, “What’s new?” The online platform king for content driven sites is WordPress. Though, unless you are a techie, don’t bother going to the site. You need to know all sorts of techie stuff in order to get the site up and running. Just know that this is the best content driven platform and you want to hire a designer who can design with WordPress.
Hire a WordPress MASTER to develop your site. Do not hire your cousin, you kid, your neighbor or a “Virtual Assistant” who is “figuring out” WordPress. You may think you are saving a dime, but you will PAY and pay dearly (trust me … I know.)
Take professional pictures. This is extremely important. First, your photos will influence the design of your site. Second, people will take you seriously, because you are taking yourself seriously. Third, beauty is powerful and professional photos are beautiful.
Create a beautiful site. I was the creative force behind my site and I hired a Photoshop wiz to bring my ideas to form and then a WordPress wiz developed it into a functioning site. Unless you are a super creative control freak, I don’t recommend this road (and if you are, I do.) Instead, hire a designer and expect to pay anywhere from $750-$10,000 (but usually between $3k-$5k) for your site.
A sign-up box is a must. This is how the people who desire your genius keep up with you.
Working with a copywriter is an incredible experience. If writing about yourself/your genius is unclear/difficult to articulate, then you may want to enlist the help of a copywriter. If you write your own copy, then make sure you write in the first person. Writing in the third person is weird when you most likely wrote it and thus … last year.
Then there is Twitter. Twitter is like being in an international coffee shop with a bunch of progressive thinkers without having to leave your house. I love Twitter and have met some incredible people. Just jump right in and you will get the hang of it super fast. A picture of yourself on Twitter goes much farther than using a logo. People want to know who they are tweeting with. For the same reasons, just use your real name is you can.
And then there is Facebook. Facebook is obvious. An awesome place to connect with others. I have a personal page for myself and I have a fan page for Volver.
I have used the word “genius” quite a bit. I believe we all have something inside us that operates from pure inspiration (from spirit.) When we have found it, we do not need to stay motivated or decide to do it. Though bringing it to fruition will undoubtedly involve hard work, it’s choiceless. We simply MUST. DO. IT. As Liz Gilbert has so brilliantly described, “genius” is a merger between our self and a divine force.A web presence is a big investment on every level and is best used and sustained when in service of your genius.
For help with social media, I HIGHLY recommend: Teresa Deak of SocialButterflySolutions. She is a right-brain diva who will teach you the “ART” of social media.
Finally, I love good advice: Danielle Laporte is my main guru. Were it not for Danielle, this site would not exist. She also gives great business advice that is rich with emotional integrity. Naomi Dunford teaches online classes and offers cutting edge marketing advice (that seems geared to women.) I often feel like she is reading my mind. She’s amazing.
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I received an awesome Q via email the other day from Andraya Dickens, a goddess who is well beyond her years. The subject line was “What about the young ladies out there?” Essentially she observes that the pursuit of self-love and feminine reclamation is primarily happening for women over 30. In her email, she wonders about all the teenagers and young women who are suffering at the hands of degrading media messages and asks, “How do you convince girls that they are worth so much more than they suppose when they are completely reluctant to love themselves?”
Huge Q. Thank you, Andraya.
Young or old, without the desire for it, it is fairly difficult to convince anyone to love themselves (or to do anything for that matter.) And yes, for most women, 20-40 years have passed before they have even begun to contemplate the importance of self-love. From my viewpoint, creating the desire for self-love is the essential first step.
And this points to a bigger issue:
Like myself five years ago (and it was ugly), most women are oblivious to the power of desire. Compared to the abundance of feminine wisdom not being shared by women, mainstream media is an annoying mosquito. At the heart of that wisdom is desire.
Most people hear the word desire and think of sex. Though the physical aspects of sensuality are definitely part of the equation, desire’s bigger function is to define one’s deepest truth and potential human expression. It is a courageous and joy-igniting act of surrender.
All of us midlife desire junkies have discovered that when we are aware of our deepest desires, we are refreshing forces of nature. The sensual connection to our womanhood breeds confidence and unveils our unique path.
Though mainly unconscious, the current legacy between women encourages us to doubt what we desire. We teach young girls to let the outer (media, men, peers) versus the inner (truth, intuition, pleasure) guide them.
The ultimate goal of Volver, and I believe all the current efforts being made by divine-feminine guru’s, is to restore a legacy of desire between women. A legacy that is ultimately passed down between mothers and daughters for all generations to come.
This reclamation is beginning with us midlifers, and although the “how” is currently in process, this truth will one day trickle down, radiate out and infuse all women of all ages … who desire it.
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In case you are new to Volver, I just want to give you an adorable heads up that sometimes I write about sex. I write about sex for the same reason I write about everything on this site: I believe this information restores health. I am not as in love with the topic of sex as I am in love with truth and the truth is that we all exist because of sex and we all want sex. In our culture, sexual truth is distorted and I know I, and millions of others, suffer from these distortions. I believe in the power of a sex positive world and I desire to do my small part in spreading this information so that it may serve those who find it valuable.
Did you know the most orgasmic part of a woman’s body is the upper left quadrant of her clitoris?
I think this is one of the most important and world changing facts to ever be brought to light.
The actual practice of Orgasmic Meditation is wildly simple and involves two willing participants, a finger, a clitoris, some lube and 15 minutes of time (and some pillows, blankets and towels for comfort.) In a nutshell, the stroker (could be your significant other or an OMing partner) strokes the upper left quadrant for 15 minutes via the super affirming guidance of the strokee. There are more details to the technique and I highly recommend getting her book, but this is a good sketch.
Within this simplicity, there is something completely beyond the beyond about this practice. OMing bears some of the ripest fruits I have ever seen in the world of healing and spirituality for both men and women.
I could go on and on about OMing (and I probably will). For this post I want to tell you about the relief I felt after my first OMing experience. It marked the end of my penis envy.
Yes, I have always had a little bit of penis envy. Not that I wanted the actual organ, I just wanted my organs to be as straightforward as the penis (no pun intended). For most heterosexual men, it seems that intercourse with women almost always delivers orgasm. For women, only 29% report orgasm from intercourse with men.
Female orgasm is notoriously elusive. It typically requires a lot of communication and direction, and while women who can communicate and direct are quite powerful, there is ultimately a labor about achieving orgasm that can derail sexual desire. As Nicole powerfully states in her book, “Women have a great appetite for sex, just not for the sex that is on the menu.”
So when I first experienced OMing I was relieved. I was relieved that the upper left quadrant was clearly defined. I was relieved that for 15 minutes of my life, it was the only focus. I was relieved that my man was game. I was relieved that all I had to do was feel. I was relieved that it never felt so good.
Women have a huge desire to experience authentic sexual fulfillment and men have a huge desire to master female orgasm. Nicole has discovered and delivered a path that satisfies both.
One of my very adorable opinions that I share with amazing feminine leaders is that a sex positive world is at the heart of feminism.
What exactly is a sex positive world, you might ask? Wikipedia, the top listing when “sex positive” is Googled, has this sentence as the opener: “The sex positive movement is an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits.”
Huh?
As you read on, the article does a better job at accurately describing “sex positive,” though I definitely wondered if someone at Fox News wrote the first sentence. “An ideology that promotes open sexuality with few limits.” ??? That is so … ridiculous (and polarizing, but I’ll just focus on the ridiculous).
Like the words suggest, a sex positive world is one that has a positive view of sex. A world that has a positive view of sex supports individuals in the grand and mandatory research project of discovering what is sexually fulfilling. It’s grand because there are a zillion possible expressions. It’s mandatory because every human has sex organs that they need to figure out.
For some, “sexual fulfillment” will mean “open sexuality with few limits.” However, for most folks, it will mean living in a world where everyone …
can receive a straight-up education about the thrills and pitfalls of physical pleasure.
deeply understands it is their birth right to experience true physical pleasure.
is lovingly encouraged to connect with physical pleasure in a way that is steeped in response ability to self and others.
respects all the many expressions that will arise (as long as they don’t harm anyone or anything.)
Limits are an absolute necessity of sexual pleasure and are self-defined. One will never arrive at authentic sexual pleasure without them.
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This article was originally published at Roots of She.
I love the name of this site: “Roots of She”. I feel a deep resonance whenever I land on the home page and read the header. For me, the “Roots of She” are sisterhood. Well, not just sisterhood … affirming sisterhood.
Imagine what it would be like if all the females in your life…
only affirmed you
told you you’re beautiful
reflected that your feelings are perfect
reminded you that you will find your way
applauded all your decisions
saw how wildly creative you are
celebrated your tremendous connection to the eternal
thought all of your desires are beautiful
commended all of your research skills
said that you make their life better
felt that you are an inspiration
believed in you with every cell of their body
Sound too good to be true?
It’s not. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered that this amount of love is possible when a pack of women come together to celebrate, honor and anchor into their emotionality. Radically loving sisterhood, like few modern women experience, is unabashedly liberated.
One of the big reasons that this type of sisterhood evades most of us is that we live in a culture that is quite clueless about emotions and ironically, all the helpful advice we love to bestow can often divide rather than unite us.
Have you ever been in a profound river of emotion, tears pouring down your face, surrendering to and disclosing all of your “irrational” fears, judgments and feelings, and someone starts giving you advice?
I think I speak for many when I say I CANNOT STAND WHEN THIS HAPPENS.
I’ve encountered this situation with every possible person: relatives, friends, ex-boyfriends, my spouse, and even with therapists and healers. And I am no innocent either. Though in general I consider myself sensitive to the vulnerability of others, my “amazing” advice and feedback have often rudely cut in front of my intuition to simply empathize.
Though we are all so full of great ideas and suggestions, poorly timed solving and fixing usually makes things worse. Trying to make someone feel better can often times impede a sacred emotional process that when traversed, unveils a boatload of intuition, truth, peace and desire.
After 40 years of experiencing my emotional body, I finally have the wisdom to say (often to my husband) “please hold off on the advice, I just need to be heard.” I pretty much need to remind him every time I am having an emotional bout that his desire to fix the situation will be satisfied if he just listens.
In therapeutic settings, empathic listening is called “witnessing” or “holding the space,” though in my desire to bridge this therapeutic skill with the mainstream, I like to refer to it as “seeing” someone. We ALL, so simply and profoundly, need to be seen.
Next time a loved one is surfing an emotional swell, just listen and maybe say, “Ugh, that sounds so hard.” OR if you are busting at the seams to offer advice, simply ask, “Do you want me to just listen or do you want to know what I think?” I LOVE when someone asks me this question. I feel so respected … and seen.
Every time we regard a sister’s emotional waves as sacred and take faith that her tears are the only brilliant thing that needs to be expressed, the “Roots of She” smile and grow strong.
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Most men over thirty would concur that hard work, making money and ensuring the security of his family, would have a piercing emptiness without the loving eyes of his wife. Though men can certainly celebrate the accomplishments of their fellow men, it is in the soft and approving eyes of women that their efforts are ultimately affirmed.
Women connect everything, including man back to himself. We are the co-pilots, navigators, readers of the stars. Our desires and pleasure set an undeniable course that men depend on.
Happiness is the huge opportunity modern women face and our desires are the only true path. Desires fuel the feminine’s ability to genuinely admire, appreciate and adore … men. No desires = no happiness = no admiration of men = lost men. Sigh. Lost men can cause a lot of problems. The desires of women are no frivolous matter.
Real feminine power SEES men and believes in them. A woman in her true power, effortlessly makes her man her hero, over and over again. It is in this reflection that he knows his true purpose.
Our feminine wisdom is in the midst of standing back up on her beautiful feet and dusting off the most stunning dress. Once she has risen, she will look around and pour adoration all over this earth. Masculine wisdom will soak up every exquisite drop and confidently step up to serve … love.
And we will not only have a world of desires, a world of happiness AND a world of admiration, we will have … a world of heroes.
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These four words create a possibility for love and compassion on the planet that make my heart pound. As does all the incredible world organizations and leaders that are seeing and realizing this truth.
Being that women are the source of all human life, if the world is ever going to be the just, loving, and sane place we know it can be, women must take priority … always and forever.
Bold statement, I know. Stick with me.
“But what about men?” is a question I often hear. Or, “This doesn’t seem fair to men.” I think what is not fair to men is to have disenfranchised mothers or like the millions of orphans in the world, no mother at all.
Men with miserable mothers typically grow up to be apathetic, irresponsible, and distrusting of the feminine. A man who has had the love drained out of him through his mother’s misery is at high risk of becoming a perpetrator. Perpetrators create a lot of unnecessary suffering.
On the flip side, an authentically happy woman takes refuge in the feminine power of her desires, emotions, and sensuality. With this as her foundation she can be a beacon of confidence, appreciating all that men provide. She raises men who are confident, successful and full of love. She is the hearth, and I believe on some primal level, all men know this to be true.
Honoring the feminine first is our best shot at establishing and sustaining a world that reveres men AND women.
Tremendous gratitude to Tara Mohr for initiating the “Girl Effect” blogging campaign (#girleffect) in celebration of International Children’s Day, this November 20th. Grab your tissue box if you dare to see one of the most moving videos on the web:
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Sisters, like the title says, you are emotional and sensitive. I can’t tell you how many women I talk to who are half floored and half relieved when I reflect this back to them. Yes, there are varying degrees of emotionality and sensitivity, but if you have a feminine essence, the tears are simply going to roll. You can count on it.
Culturally, we have a strong judgment about emotional phenomena and this is what brings many women to psychotherapy. Don’t get me wrong, getting high grade Vitamin See, making peace with your past, cultivating awareness, and working through painful stuff is a powerful choice and good psychotherapy delivers. Though, once you have done all that, what you will undoubtedly notice is that you are still … emotional and sensitive.
The great news is that being emotional and sensitive is one of THE most powerful traits a woman possesses. Really and truly.
Yes, there are people who are incapacitated by their emotions and yes, they need professional intervention. However, including these folks, our emotions move us, steer us, and guide us to … everything. Our entire human experience is emotionally motivated and women are the ambassadors of this realm. When we dare to ride our emotional waves, we not only gain access to a world that is overflowing with GOOD, we unveil a profound capacity for bringing this goodness to our world.
There are many awesome ways to rock-out with our emotions. Here is one of my favorite recipes:
1) GET HONEST: Get mega honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Our western world has this terrible habit of over rationalizing when emotional storms hit. Forget about all the reasons why you shouldn’t have your feelings and let them flow.
2) HONOR YOURSELF: With the sole intention of honoring yourself (versus being right,) get with a friend and shamelessly vent everything out, and/or if you prefer to do these things solo, write it ALL down on paper.
3) INQUIRE: Finally, once you have recognized and honored your feelings, the juiciest step is to ask your emotions what they want. What is their deepest longing? This step may require repetition and patience, though once your desires are revealed, simply give yourself 100% permission to desire them … especially if they seem impossible.
Our emotions exist in a world that is beyond logic and it is the unexplainable that we call magic.
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“Volver is the hottest thing to hit this town … ever” Fran Buchanan, Seattle, WA
“You make me fiercely proud to be a woman. The way you weave incredibly important messages about the feminine WITH your brand of humour, wit and light is beyond magnificent.”Tanya Geisler
“It’s hard to get the ying and yang right. Nice to see it done so beautifully. It’s kinda perfect.” M.K. Seattle, WA
“The essence of Volver just oozes out of every pore of your body and it is mind blowing.” M.L. Seattle WA
“The entire experience was one of the most joyous, loving, free-spirited, luscious, deeply soul-nourishing, inspiring, bonding experiences I’ve ever had, ANYWHERE or at any time”Christine Hansen
“This experience opens my heart to feel love in a whole new way.” F.B. Seattle, WA
“Dara McKinley is pure genius and light.” K.P. Seattle, WA
“Wow, I am blown away by the experience of this workshop. It has placed me on a feminine path that is all me AND all woman. I am over the moon grateful for the opportunity to return to this truth.” D.I. Seattle, WA
“I am grateful for the wisdom that emerged, the full body insights about my feminine essence and the opportunity to set “security” on fire. Thank you for so beautifully sharing your purpose and light.”Jennifer Lucero-Earl
“VOLVER is outstanding!” Heather Smith, Seattle, WA
“I learned things about being a woman in this modern world I didn’t know, I didn’t know. Your workshop was deeply transformational and I am grateful.”Lauren Harkness
“I am thrilled to be part of this group. I left the class with a glow, a buzz. a bright inspiration … this is GOOOOOD stuff.” Nityia Przewlocki
“… this experience, it’s impossible to convey in words. I have taken lots of classes and done lots of “work” in this subject area, but none of them hit home quite the way this retreat did.” M.T., Los Angeles
“The course was life-changing … I’ve learned to harness the positive and discovered so much of it, that there just isn’t room for the negative anymore.” T.F., Seattle, WA
“It is more powerful ~ and significantly more enjoyable ~ than years of therapy. It has enabled me to find pleasure in all the nooks and crannies of my daily life.” Richelle Nielson, Seattle, WA
“I am still vibrating in the most amazing way thanks to the truly extraordinary and transformational week which I WILL NEVER forget.”Christine Hansen
“This circle of women lift me up like nothing else … The changes in my life, my body, my relationships, and my sense of myself are deep and I know they will last.” Michele Lisenbury
