Hi there! I'm so glad you're visiting. If you dig PROVOCATIVE and SOUL-STIRRING FEMININE TRUTH, then get cozy and make yourself at home. This site is for you.
Being that your mama is all about “returning a fiercely loving feminine legacy” I certainly think about empowering your womanhood … a lot.
Since you are only five “and a half” and thus, have much more pressing matters on your mind, I’ve decided to write to you about some of my big “aha” moments and maybe one day down the road, you will read them (and maybe even dig them.)
There is so much to write, but today I want to simply tell you about motherhood and sisterhood. I was recently interviewed by an amazing woman for her “Maybe Baby” e-course and I adorably start off my interview by saying that motherhood “annihilated” me. Though the people who speak embellishmentese understand what I mean, some amazing folks emailed me desiring elaboration.
First, let me distinguish between you and motherhood.
You were hands down one of the most amazing things to ever arrive into my life. I was blown open with a fierce love when I held you for the first time. Till this day, I watch you in complete wonder. And you were born on the eve of the “pink moon” which in hindsight was the most auspicious wink from the universe of all the wisdom you would bring.
Essentially there was something about being the mother of a young child that felt so off for me. I felt a constant craving I couldn’t put my finger on. For the first year and a half, it was a riddle that teased me at every turn and I wrestled with it, and demanded it reveal itself. It eventually did.
What I finally came to realize was that I was missing a strong female community. Not too long ago and for thousands of years, women raised children together. It’s only in the last century that most modern women shifted into raising their kids with their partners. My DNA was craving the old paradigm.
My situation was an extreme case of how not to do it because I had recently moved to Seattle where I didn’t have deep roots. Couple this with my “I can do it myself”-ness (AKA an inability to receive) and I created a breeding ground of isolation.
Not developing/maintaining strong and supportive female relationships was my biggest “mistake.” When the torrential rains of motherhood hit: sleep deprivation, hormones and the pressure that every modern woman juggles, affirming sisterhood gets you through. It makes the first wildly demanding years of motherhood doable.
SO, what I mean by “annihilated” is that motherhood destroyed my illusion that I was an independent being who could do it all by myself. Realizing this truth has been one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Today, I could write pages about all that separates women from each other, but I’ll save that for another time. Know that I am on it. Also know that as soon as I realized what I was missing, I did an immediate course correct and have been soaking up sisterly love ever since.
There it is, love. For these reasons, if you should one day choose to become a parent, one of my biggest desires for you is that you feel fueled by the support of a loving female community. Yes, this is true for every aspect of life - when you have a pack of loving women behind you, you can do anything.
Love,
Mom
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
Why would you read my blog, participate in a workshop and spend your valuable time contemplating the feminine mystery? I can only imagine you are hungry for a relevant, affirming and mighty experience of your feminine essence.
VOLVER’s offerings are crafted to encourage emotional integrity, supportive relationships and the ability to wildly meet the wildness of life. Though the personal benefit is tremendous, at the core of VOLVER’s feast is the desire to return a feminine legacy that is rich with the above.
Returning an affirming feminine legacy is VOLVER’s greatest reason for being.
You may have already noticed that the majority of women in the world are without an affirming legacy. This means that our mothers were unable to offer the information that empowers our womanhood. In many cultures like ours, this void has existed for thousands of years and in my adorable opinion, has and continues to cause loads of unnecessary suffering for women and men.
When I close my eyes and imagine this legacy restored, I see a beautiful web that connects all women. It is delicate, requires care and reverence, and is also indestructible. This web has taken some major blows in the last five millennia and despite all the aggression, it still exists today.
You’ve read it here: WHY: I believe that an affirming feminine legacy is nature’s greatest creative and healing force. HOW: I stand for and express this belief by inviting readers/participants to contemplate, research and align with the gifts of their feminine essence. WHAT: This soulful site and my workshops that return women to themselves and best of all … to each other.
Phew. Now that I got that all out, if you would like to participate in the WHAT, so you can experience the HOW and return the WHY, my next “Belonging & The Body” course is Saturday December 10th from 2-6pm and is the last “Belonging and The Body” course until March/April. REGISTRATION ENDS THIS SUNDAY: DECEMBER 4th. To score your spot and to infuse this holiday season AND Seattle winter with your feminine power->Click.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
Though there are many indomitable forces of woman nature, one of my absolute favorites is beauty. And ugh, before I write more, I need to stop and give beauty a great, big hug. Poor girl. She catches so much crap.
In our culture, beauty is a wildly confusing concept. Mainstream media’s definitions of women make us too skinny, hyper-sexual, with implants and tons of make-up. This caricature is adopted by many young women as the ideal/norm which leads to a pressure filled existence that is vulnerable to self-loathing.
Then, there are the “smart” women who judge media’s caricature as being superficial, dumb and sexualized. Many “smart” women reject the notion of beauty all together and devote their lives to being “practical.” I see this all over Seattle. Mega smart women, head to toe in REI.
No matter how hard many women try, we are thousands of years out (though most likely never) from ever being free of this beauty thing. Prior to the last 50 years, our survival for thousands of years was dependent on being attractive.
As we can clearly see in the many outwardly beautiful women who are miserable, physical beauty only takes us so far. Being attractive is a much deeper phenomenon that is deeply rooted in confidence.
Whether or not you actually “are” beautiful is a subjective hellhole, thus, a complete waste of your time. However, feeling beautiful? Feeling beautiful is a potent goldmine of feminine power that is free from mirrors, media and materialism. It is a radiant, glowing, high vibratory hum of sparkling energy that attracts others.
I believe feeling beautiful depends on three simple things:
1) Affirming sisterhood. Back in the day we relied on the reflection in water and the eyes of other women to know how we looked. Even today, we can stare in the mirror all we want, but when your best girlfriend gives you the once over and says, “You look great!” -> your cells smile. As important as it is to “validate” yourself, we are communal beings that are dependent on the eyes of others.
2) Sensual pleasure. I am not just talking orgasm (though it definitely counts). Did you ever go swimming in the ocean, skin connected to sun and sand as your body undulates with the force of the current. When you come out of the water you are flushed, relaxed, radiating from your connection to the elements. You could have mascara running down your face, but you will FEEL beautiful. This is true for anything that pleasures a woman. Giggles with girlfriends, your favorite food, a beautiful outfit, rollerblading on the boardwalk, dancing, art … you name it. When we are turned on by our true passions, our beauty shines. Happiness is the core of true beauty.
3) Beauty is sacred. Beauty is a spiritual force that inspires our connection to the divine. Women are the ambassadors of this truth and this is reflected in the body of EVERY woman. Despite all the forces that encourage us to think differently, the bottom line truth is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL (I know, this is difficult news for many.) Take a moment to stop comparing and judging yourself and you will see it … it’s always right there. The softness. The curves. The smile. It’s in the DNA of all women. If you choose to see and celebrate the sacred truth of your beauty, you will naturally adore/adorn yourself as a gesture to the divine. Every morning, I bathe and carefully choose beautiful earrings, maybe a flower for my hair and a little lip gloss. These offerings to the “temple of Dara” ensure that I FEEL beautiful. When I feel beautiful, everyone around me enjoys my buzz … and my beauty.
I look forward to a world that not only teaches women the power of their minds but the sacred power of feeling beautiful. Owning both is the future of feminism.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
I received an awesome Q via email the other day from Andraya Dickens, a goddess who is well beyond her years. The subject line was “What about the young ladies out there?” Essentially she observes that the pursuit of self-love and feminine reclamation is primarily happening for women over 30. In her email, she wonders about all the teenagers and young women who are suffering at the hands of degrading media messages and asks, “How do you convince girls that they are worth so much more than they suppose when they are completely reluctant to love themselves?”
Huge Q. Thank you, Andraya.
Young or old, without the desire for it, it is fairly difficult to convince anyone to love themselves (or to do anything for that matter.) And yes, for most women, 20-40 years have passed before they have even begun to contemplate the importance of self-love. From my viewpoint, creating the desire for self-love is the essential first step.
And this points to a bigger issue:
Like myself five years ago (and it was ugly), most women are oblivious to the power of desire. Compared to the abundance of feminine wisdom not being shared by women, mainstream media is an annoying mosquito. At the heart of that wisdom is desire.
Most people hear the word desire and think of sex. Though the physical aspects of sensuality are definitely part of the equation, desire’s bigger function is to define one’s deepest truth and potential human expression. It is a courageous and joy-igniting act of surrender.
All of us midlife desire junkies have discovered that when we are aware of our deepest desires, we are refreshing forces of nature. The sensual connection to our womanhood breeds confidence and unveils our unique path.
Though mainly unconscious, the current legacy between women encourages us to doubt what we desire. We teach young girls to let the outer (media, men, peers) versus the inner (truth, intuition, pleasure) guide them.
The ultimate goal of Volver, and I believe all the current efforts being made by divine-feminine guru’s, is to restore a legacy of desire between women. A legacy that is ultimately passed down between mothers and daughters for all generations to come.
This reclamation is beginning with us midlifers, and although the “how” is currently in process, this truth will one day trickle down, radiate out and infuse all women of all ages … who desire it.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
One of my very adorable opinions that I share with amazing feminine leaders is that a sex positive world is at the heart of feminism.
What exactly is a sex positive world, you might ask? Wikipedia, the top listing when “sex positive” is Googled, has this sentence as the opener: “The sex positive movement is an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits.”
Huh?
As you read on, the article does a better job at accurately describing “sex positive,” though I definitely wondered if someone at Fox News wrote the first sentence. “An ideology that promotes open sexuality with few limits.” ??? That is so … ridiculous (and polarizing, but I’ll just focus on the ridiculous).
Like the words suggest, a sex positive world is one that has a positive view of sex. A world that has a positive view of sex supports individuals in the grand and mandatory research project of discovering what is sexually fulfilling. It’s grand because there are a zillion possible expressions. It’s mandatory because every human has sex organs that they need to figure out.
For some, “sexual fulfillment” will mean “open sexuality with few limits.” However, for most folks, it will mean living in a world where everyone …
can receive a straight-up education about the thrills and pitfalls of physical pleasure.
deeply understands it is their birth right to experience true physical pleasure.
is lovingly encouraged to connect with physical pleasure in a way that is steeped in response ability to self and others.
respects all the many expressions that will arise (as long as they don’t harm anyone or anything.)
Limits are an absolute necessity of sexual pleasure and are self-defined. One will never arrive at authentic sexual pleasure without them.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
This article was originally published at Roots of She.
I love the name of this site: “Roots of She”. I feel a deep resonance whenever I land on the home page and read the header. For me, the “Roots of She” are sisterhood. Well, not just sisterhood … affirming sisterhood.
Imagine what it would be like if all the females in your life…
only affirmed you
told you you’re beautiful
reflected that your feelings are perfect
reminded you that you will find your way
applauded all your decisions
saw how wildly creative you are
celebrated your tremendous connection to the eternal
thought all of your desires are beautiful
commended all of your research skills
said that you make their life better
felt that you are an inspiration
believed in you with every cell of their body
Sound too good to be true?
It’s not. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered that this amount of love is possible when a pack of women come together to celebrate, honor and anchor into their emotionality. Radically loving sisterhood, like few modern women experience, is unabashedly liberated.
One of the big reasons that this type of sisterhood evades most of us is that we live in a culture that is quite clueless about emotions and ironically, all the helpful advice we love to bestow can often divide rather than unite us.
Have you ever been in a profound river of emotion, tears pouring down your face, surrendering to and disclosing all of your “irrational” fears, judgments and feelings, and someone starts giving you advice?
I think I speak for many when I say I CANNOT STAND WHEN THIS HAPPENS.
I’ve encountered this situation with every possible person: relatives, friends, ex-boyfriends, my spouse, and even with therapists and healers. And I am no innocent either. Though in general I consider myself sensitive to the vulnerability of others, my “amazing” advice and feedback have often rudely cut in front of my intuition to simply empathize.
Though we are all so full of great ideas and suggestions, poorly timed solving and fixing usually makes things worse. Trying to make someone feel better can often times impede a sacred emotional process that when traversed, unveils a boatload of intuition, truth, peace and desire.
After 40 years of experiencing my emotional body, I finally have the wisdom to say (often to my husband) “please hold off on the advice, I just need to be heard.” I pretty much need to remind him every time I am having an emotional bout that his desire to fix the situation will be satisfied if he just listens.
In therapeutic settings, empathic listening is called “witnessing” or “holding the space,” though in my desire to bridge this therapeutic skill with the mainstream, I like to refer to it as “seeing” someone. We ALL, so simply and profoundly, need to be seen.
Next time a loved one is surfing an emotional swell, just listen and maybe say, “Ugh, that sounds so hard.” OR if you are busting at the seams to offer advice, simply ask, “Do you want me to just listen or do you want to know what I think?” I LOVE when someone asks me this question. I feel so respected … and seen.
Every time we regard a sister’s emotional waves as sacred and take faith that her tears are the only brilliant thing that needs to be expressed, the “Roots of She” smile and grow strong.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
I occasionally read an advice column written by a popular business coach. He recently returned from a trip to South Africa and someone sent in a question seeking advice for getting through hard times. I myself am healing from some hard times so I was on the edge of my seat for his advice. In a nutshell, his answer was to consider the idea that as Americans, we don’t really have problems compared to the third world and to begin a gratitude practice as a way to see yourself through your supposed difficulties.
Oy.
[Eyes roll]
Disappointing.
I know I am not the only one who is completely irked when someone preaches gratitude after visiting a third world country. While I see and appreciate his desire to wake people up about the suffering in the world, his advice lets me down when he compares the (very) privileged life of Americans to those in the third world, suggesting that gratitude would make our problems diminish.
I love gratitude. As the daughter of a man with a depressed personality and who died of cancer, I know the severe price when a life is void of it. Of all the many ways one can relate to life, gratitude and appreciation source the moment like no other. Though, true gratitude is ego free. That is what makes it so powerful. Since it is our ego that compares, it is impossible to experience gratitude through comparing.
Egoless gratitude is about dropping down into yourself and viscerally connecting to all the mega amounts of love in your life. Whether it is from the sparkle of a diamond ring or the feeling of sunshine on your face, an awesome friend, or the simple act of breathing. Real gratitude is the reception of life’s love and is only experienced when free from judgment, worth, indebtedness, measure, comparisons and shoulds.
When I was a psychotherapist I can’t tell you how many times I heard “I have so much to be grateful for, I don’t know why I feel this way,” and have said those very words myself. Though, gratitude is especially helpful during dark times, it does not take away pain. Instead, it connects us to larger amounts of truth, which is essential for healing to occur. It is practiced by those who desire an honest view of their life and don’t want to miss a drop of goodness, no matter what.
Also, Americans don’t have problems compared to the rest of the world? Really? Completely fascinating to me as I have never met a human who wasn’t involved in the wild and tumultuous ride of life. No matter your circumstances, old age, sickness and death are in your cards. Emotional strife comes with the territory and makes the whole thing happen.
Life is outrageously wonderful AND seems to betray ALL of us … all the time.
For me, this coach was doing what our egos love to do: bypass our actual experience and churn a should. I can’t imagine that when you come back from South Africa, you aren’t overflowing with anger and grief. Maybe gratitude and appreciation of these important emotions are how one really gets through hard times. Maybe befriending them in all of their glory is the path to decoding their sacred messages.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
Most men over thirty would concur that hard work, making money and ensuring the security of his family, would have a piercing emptiness without the loving eyes of his wife. Though men can certainly celebrate the accomplishments of their fellow men, it is in the soft and approving eyes of women that their efforts are ultimately affirmed.
Women connect everything, including man back to himself. We are the co-pilots, navigators, readers of the stars. Our desires and pleasure set an undeniable course that men depend on.
Happiness is the huge opportunity modern women face and our desires are the only true path. Desires fuel the feminine’s ability to genuinely admire, appreciate and adore … men. No desires = no happiness = no admiration of men = lost men. Sigh. Lost men can cause a lot of problems. The desires of women are no frivolous matter.
Real feminine power SEES men and believes in them. A woman in her true power, effortlessly makes her man her hero, over and over again. It is in this reflection that he knows his true purpose.
Our feminine wisdom is in the midst of standing back up on her beautiful feet and dusting off the most stunning dress. Once she has risen, she will look around and pour adoration all over this earth. Masculine wisdom will soak up every exquisite drop and confidently step up to serve … love.
And we will not only have a world of desires, a world of happiness AND a world of admiration, we will have … a world of heroes.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
These four words create a possibility for love and compassion on the planet that make my heart pound. As does all the incredible world organizations and leaders that are seeing and realizing this truth.
Being that women are the source of all human life, if the world is ever going to be the just, loving, and sane place we know it can be, women must take priority … always and forever.
Bold statement, I know. Stick with me.
“But what about men?” is a question I often hear. Or, “This doesn’t seem fair to men.” I think what is not fair to men is to have disenfranchised mothers or like the millions of orphans in the world, no mother at all.
Men with miserable mothers typically grow up to be apathetic, irresponsible, and distrusting of the feminine. A man who has had the love drained out of him through his mother’s misery is at high risk of becoming a perpetrator. Perpetrators create a lot of unnecessary suffering.
On the flip side, an authentically happy woman takes refuge in the feminine power of her desires, emotions, and sensuality. With this as her foundation she can be a beacon of confidence, appreciating all that men provide. She raises men who are confident, successful and full of love. She is the hearth, and I believe on some primal level, all men know this to be true.
Honoring the feminine first is our best shot at establishing and sustaining a world that reveres men AND women.
Tremendous gratitude to Tara Mohr for initiating the “Girl Effect” blogging campaign (#girleffect) in celebration of International Children’s Day, this November 20th. Grab your tissue box if you dare to see one of the most moving videos on the web:
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
Sisters, like the title says, you are emotional and sensitive. I can’t tell you how many women I talk to who are half floored and half relieved when I reflect this back to them. Yes, there are varying degrees of emotionality and sensitivity, but if you have a feminine essence, the tears are simply going to roll. You can count on it.
Culturally, we have a strong judgment about emotional phenomena and this is what brings many women to psychotherapy. Don’t get me wrong, getting high grade Vitamin See, making peace with your past, cultivating awareness, and working through painful stuff is a powerful choice and good psychotherapy delivers. Though, once you have done all that, what you will undoubtedly notice is that you are still … emotional and sensitive.
The great news is that being emotional and sensitive is one of THE most powerful traits a woman possesses. Really and truly.
Yes, there are people who are incapacitated by their emotions and yes, they need professional intervention. However, including these folks, our emotions move us, steer us, and guide us to … everything. Our entire human experience is emotionally motivated and women are the ambassadors of this realm. When we dare to ride our emotional waves, we not only gain access to a world that is overflowing with GOOD, we unveil a profound capacity for bringing this goodness to our world.
There are many awesome ways to rock-out with our emotions. Here is one of my favorite recipes:
1) GET HONEST: Get mega honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Our western world has this terrible habit of over rationalizing when emotional storms hit. Forget about all the reasons why you shouldn’t have your feelings and let them flow.
2) HONOR YOURSELF: With the sole intention of honoring yourself (versus being right,) get with a friend and shamelessly vent everything out, and/or if you prefer to do these things solo, write it ALL down on paper.
3) INQUIRE: Finally, once you have recognized and honored your feelings, the juiciest step is to ask your emotions what they want. What is their deepest longing? This step may require repetition and patience, though once your desires are revealed, simply give yourself 100% permission to desire them … especially if they seem impossible.
Our emotions exist in a world that is beyond logic and it is the unexplainable that we call magic.
Desiring to leave a comment?
I have consolidated all of my online joy to twitter and facebook. Please join me there!
“Volver is the hottest thing to hit this town … ever” Fran Buchanan, Seattle, WA
“You make me fiercely proud to be a woman. The way you weave incredibly important messages about the feminine WITH your brand of humour, wit and light is beyond magnificent.”Tanya Geisler
“It’s hard to get the ying and yang right. Nice to see it done so beautifully. It’s kinda perfect.” M.K. Seattle, WA
“The essence of Volver just oozes out of every pore of your body and it is mind blowing.” M.L. Seattle WA
“The entire experience was one of the most joyous, loving, free-spirited, luscious, deeply soul-nourishing, inspiring, bonding experiences I’ve ever had, ANYWHERE or at any time”Christine Hansen
“This experience opens my heart to feel love in a whole new way.” F.B. Seattle, WA
“Dara McKinley is pure genius and light.” K.P. Seattle, WA
“Wow, I am blown away by the experience of this workshop. It has placed me on a feminine path that is all me AND all woman. I am over the moon grateful for the opportunity to return to this truth.” D.I. Seattle, WA
“I am grateful for the wisdom that emerged, the full body insights about my feminine essence and the opportunity to set “security” on fire. Thank you for so beautifully sharing your purpose and light.”Jennifer Lucero-Earl
“VOLVER is outstanding!” Heather Smith, Seattle, WA
“I learned things about being a woman in this modern world I didn’t know, I didn’t know. Your workshop was deeply transformational and I am grateful.”Lauren Harkness
“I am thrilled to be part of this group. I left the class with a glow, a buzz. a bright inspiration … this is GOOOOOD stuff.” Nityia Przewlocki
“… this experience, it’s impossible to convey in words. I have taken lots of classes and done lots of “work” in this subject area, but none of them hit home quite the way this retreat did.” M.T., Los Angeles
“The course was life-changing … I’ve learned to harness the positive and discovered so much of it, that there just isn’t room for the negative anymore.” T.F., Seattle, WA
“It is more powerful ~ and significantly more enjoyable ~ than years of therapy. It has enabled me to find pleasure in all the nooks and crannies of my daily life.” Richelle Nielson, Seattle, WA
“I am still vibrating in the most amazing way thanks to the truly extraordinary and transformational week which I WILL NEVER forget.”Christine Hansen
“This circle of women lift me up like nothing else … The changes in my life, my body, my relationships, and my sense of myself are deep and I know they will last.” Michele Lisenbury
