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It’s been a wee bit since I’ve clicked “publish” and I gotta tell ya … taking a break has been divine (I highly recommend completely checking out.) The truth be told, I am not a blogger. I do LOVE to share and communicate, and this blog is an awesome way to do just that, so I will keep … blogging. This and many other realizations have happened since Taft’s departure. Losing someone I care about has brought me to the essence of my life and clarity feels glued to my heart.
Prior to Taft leaving, I’d been trying to name this “thing” I have brewing inside me. A BIG project to bring to women that includes practically everything I know … but I needed a name first and for months I was coming up empty.
I knew that participants would find it super meaningful and healing … like therapy, but it wasn’t therapy. They would also feel a profound clarity and confidence to become their greatest self … like coaching, but it wasn’t coaching. My brow strained as I thought and thought. What’s the name? What’s the name? Coapy? Theroaching? I know, embarrassing. I was that desperate.
After Taft’s funeral, I tended to his mom for a few days. Upon arriving home from the trenches of shock and despair, I laid down a lot. I didn’t nap. I just laid there, unable to move, staring at the ceiling, there was nothing to do. It felt like every cell in my body was waving a white flag. It was eerily peaceful.
During one of these flat-on-my-back moments I realized the power of this stripped down spot and I asked: What’s the name?
“The Goddess Process” instantly appeared in my mind.
Sigh.
(I am quite aware that some of you are thinking “duh.”. That was my next thought.)
Duh.
So there it is. Sometime in 2012 you will hear and maybe dip into the wildly restorative waters of “The Goddess Process” (perhaps even see a new website.). I have an amazing project midwife and we are working hard.
Fabulousness cometh …
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Seven years ago I participated in a meditation program and met Alison Anton, a Goddess of healing and integrity.
I’ll never forget the moment I saw stars. During the program’s Q&A Alison stood up and asked the guru about heeding the inner call to greatness. No offense Buddhism, but when the focus is on losing the self and realizing emptiness, Q’s like this one are few and far between. Afterward, I introduced myself to Alison and thanked her for the bold Q. Our friendship instantly took flight.
Alison is a medical intuitive. What’s that? Read on as she brilliantly answers the important stuff below. At the end there is a special offer for VOLVER readers (which I am definitely going to pounce on.) I love the work she is doing and I love even more that she is doing it. Without further ado, it is my great pleasure to bring you Returning with Alison Anton:
What exactly is Medical Intuition?
Medical intuition is using clairvoyance (or other intuitive faculties) to “look” into a person’s energetic and physical anatomy. For some practitioners the purpose is to identify or diagnose medical conditions. I don’t use it for diagnosis, but to help people tap into the underlayment of energy, karma and emotion in relation to their ailments or specific health conditions.
How did you come to find that you had this gift? How did you develop it?
Actually, I don’t see clairvoyance as a gift—it comes with the human body. I think most people use it, but don’t realize they are. I was trained to use my clairvoyance in my mid-twenties, and have been honing that skill ever since. My interest in health and medicine sprang from years of struggling with three auto-immune conditions; I then found myself studying nutrition, food, functional medicine and bodywork to help myself, and to help others who were sick. At one point I realized how valuable it would be if I put functional medicine and intuitive medicine together.
What would you say to someone who is very curious about a session but a little skeptical or afraid?
Fear is pretty normal for people who have never had a reading. Some people are a little scared of what I might say; others might think I’m going to judge them. Truth is, if a reading doesn’t VALIDATE a person in a major way, something’s wrong… (NOT with the person getting the reading, but with the person giving it). In everyone’s life, there are karmic challenges that show up physically as tension, stress and possibly disease. Yet underlying these karmic “hot spots” lay strengths, abilities and spiritual characteristics so remarkable it’s often hard to express in words. How I see it: constricted, charged, tense, sick or fearful areas almost always have the most ability behind them. So unless someone’s afraid of their own abilities or healing themselves (which happens a lot, BTW) there’s not much to be afraid of!
What was the dumbest thing that you used to believe?
I used to believe that I could heal my body by force. I believed that if I ate all the “right” foods, exercised enough, and stopped my “emotional eating” that my body would be well. I basically believed that the body was separate enough from the mind that I could use it like a slave and force it to “behave”. What I didn’t fully realize was that if we don’t work from the mind-level to re-program old patterns, it’s like screaming at a tape recorder and telling it to record. Ironically, I’ve found, that once we’ve healed this level of the mind, the body-related expectations and goals that we thought were so important are (magically) not so important anymore.
How have you learned to handle mistakes and losses?
Of all the things in my life that have helped me develop spiritually, mistakes are IT (and believe me, I’ve made a lot of them). I actually seem to have a certain karma for making mistakes. It’s not about the mistakes, per se, but my REACTIONS to them. It seems I’m learning to become acutely aware of the unconscious programs that well up with my mistakes (i.e. “You’re stupid”, “You don’t belong”, “You’re not perfect”). If I don’t react to them, it’s totally transformative—like being humble and confident at the same time. Likewise, if I DO react to them, I get to look at why I still believe these lies that are in my space. It’s a win-win either way.
I am going to play that word game with you and give you one word and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind: healing.
Healing is a frame of mind, and a way of learning how to perceive the world from spiritual eyes. Healing is learning to see all beings (including ourselves) not just as these bodies, but as remarkable beings capable of… ANYTHING. In my opinion, to be healed has little to do with the body. The body is neutral, and will follow the direction of the mind. So healing always starts at the mind level. How do we want to use these emotions? What purpose do we want for this illness? If we can be flexible and forgiving enough to be in present time with our situation (health, relationships, trials and tribulations) we can truly say we’re healing.
Sigh, now you can see why I have a crush.
If you are struggling with an issue that has mainstream medical practitioners scratching their heads, this could be just the perspective you need. Alison is offering a generous discount to VOLVER readers: 50% Off Medical Intuition Readings (!). Readings must be purchased by December 31,2011 and redeemed by January 31, 2012. Use this special link to score her goodness: http://bit.ly/juROaG
To find out more about Alison’s amazing work, please visit: AntonHealing.com
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Though there are many indomitable forces of woman nature, one of my absolute favorites is beauty. And ugh, before I write more, I need to stop and give beauty a great, big hug. Poor girl. She catches so much crap.
In our culture, beauty is a wildly confusing concept. Mainstream media’s definitions of women make us too skinny, hyper-sexual, with implants and tons of make-up. This caricature is adopted by many young women as the ideal/norm which leads to a pressure filled existence that is vulnerable to self-loathing.
Then, there are the “smart” women who judge media’s caricature as being superficial, dumb and sexualized. Many “smart” women reject the notion of beauty all together and devote their lives to being “practical.” I see this all over Seattle. Mega smart women, head to toe in REI.
No matter how hard many women try, we are thousands of years out (though most likely never) from ever being free of this beauty thing. Prior to the last 50 years, our survival for thousands of years was dependent on being attractive.
As we can clearly see in the many outwardly beautiful women who are miserable, physical beauty only takes us so far. Being attractive is a much deeper phenomenon that is deeply rooted in confidence.
Whether or not you actually “are” beautiful is a subjective hellhole, thus, a complete waste of your time. However, feeling beautiful? Feeling beautiful is a potent goldmine of feminine power that is free from mirrors, media and materialism. It is a radiant, glowing, high vibratory hum of sparkling energy that attracts others.
I believe feeling beautiful depends on three simple things:
1) Affirming sisterhood. Back in the day we relied on the reflection in water and the eyes of other women to know how we looked. Even today, we can stare in the mirror all we want, but when your best girlfriend gives you the once over and says, “You look great!” -> your cells smile. As important as it is to “validate” yourself, we are communal beings that are dependent on the eyes of others.
2) Sensual pleasure. I am not just talking orgasm (though it definitely counts). Did you ever go swimming in the ocean, skin connected to sun and sand as your body undulates with the force of the current. When you come out of the water you are flushed, relaxed, radiating from your connection to the elements. You could have mascara running down your face, but you will FEEL beautiful. This is true for anything that pleasures a woman. Giggles with girlfriends, your favorite food, a beautiful outfit, rollerblading on the boardwalk, dancing, art … you name it. When we are turned on by our true passions, our beauty shines. Happiness is the core of true beauty.
3) Beauty is sacred. Beauty is a spiritual force that inspires our connection to the divine. Women are the ambassadors of this truth and this is reflected in the body of EVERY woman. Despite all the forces that encourage us to think differently, the bottom line truth is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL (I know, this is difficult news for many.) Take a moment to stop comparing and judging yourself and you will see it … it’s always right there. The softness. The curves. The smile. It’s in the DNA of all women. If you choose to see and celebrate the sacred truth of your beauty, you will naturally adore/adorn yourself as a gesture to the divine. Every morning, I bathe and carefully choose beautiful earrings, maybe a flower for my hair and a little lip gloss. These offerings to the “temple of Dara” ensure that I FEEL beautiful. When I feel beautiful, everyone around me enjoys my buzz … and my beauty.
I look forward to a world that not only teaches women the power of their minds but the sacred power of feeling beautiful. Owning both is the future of feminism.
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In case you are new to Volver, I just want to give you an adorable heads up that sometimes I write about sex. I write about sex for the same reason I write about everything on this site: I believe this information restores health. I am not as in love with the topic of sex as I am in love with truth and the truth is that we all exist because of sex and we all want sex. In our culture, sexual truth is distorted and I know I, and millions of others, suffer from these distortions. I believe in the power of a sex positive world and I desire to do my small part in spreading this information so that it may serve those who find it valuable.
Did you know the most orgasmic part of a woman’s body is the upper left quadrant of her clitoris?
I think this is one of the most important and world changing facts to ever be brought to light.
The actual practice of Orgasmic Meditation is wildly simple and involves two willing participants, a finger, a clitoris, some lube and 15 minutes of time (and some pillows, blankets and towels for comfort.) In a nutshell, the stroker (could be your significant other or an OMing partner) strokes the upper left quadrant for 15 minutes via the super affirming guidance of the strokee. There are more details to the technique and I highly recommend getting her book, but this is a good sketch.
Within this simplicity, there is something completely beyond the beyond about this practice. OMing bears some of the ripest fruits I have ever seen in the world of healing and spirituality for both men and women.
I could go on and on about OMing (and I probably will). For this post I want to tell you about the relief I felt after my first OMing experience. It marked the end of my penis envy.
Yes, I have always had a little bit of penis envy. Not that I wanted the actual organ, I just wanted my organs to be as straightforward as the penis (no pun intended). For most heterosexual men, it seems that intercourse with women almost always delivers orgasm. For women, only 29% report orgasm from intercourse with men.
Female orgasm is notoriously elusive. It typically requires a lot of communication and direction, and while women who can communicate and direct are quite powerful, there is ultimately a labor about achieving orgasm that can derail sexual desire. As Nicole powerfully states in her book, “Women have a great appetite for sex, just not for the sex that is on the menu.”
So when I first experienced OMing I was relieved. I was relieved that the upper left quadrant was clearly defined. I was relieved that for 15 minutes of my life, it was the only focus. I was relieved that my man was game. I was relieved that all I had to do was feel. I was relieved that it never felt so good.
Women have a huge desire to experience authentic sexual fulfillment and men have a huge desire to master female orgasm. Nicole has discovered and delivered a path that satisfies both.
One of my very adorable opinions that I share with amazing feminine leaders is that a sex positive world is at the heart of feminism.
What exactly is a sex positive world, you might ask? Wikipedia, the top listing when “sex positive” is Googled, has this sentence as the opener: “The sex positive movement is an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits.”
Huh?
As you read on, the article does a better job at accurately describing “sex positive,” though I definitely wondered if someone at Fox News wrote the first sentence. “An ideology that promotes open sexuality with few limits.” ??? That is so … ridiculous (and polarizing, but I’ll just focus on the ridiculous).
Like the words suggest, a sex positive world is one that has a positive view of sex. A world that has a positive view of sex supports individuals in the grand and mandatory research project of discovering what is sexually fulfilling. It’s grand because there are a zillion possible expressions. It’s mandatory because every human has sex organs that they need to figure out.
For some, “sexual fulfillment” will mean “open sexuality with few limits.” However, for most folks, it will mean living in a world where everyone …
can receive a straight-up education about the thrills and pitfalls of physical pleasure.
deeply understands it is their birth right to experience true physical pleasure.
is lovingly encouraged to connect with physical pleasure in a way that is steeped in response ability to self and others.
respects all the many expressions that will arise (as long as they don’t harm anyone or anything.)
Limits are an absolute necessity of sexual pleasure and are self-defined. One will never arrive at authentic sexual pleasure without them.
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I occasionally read an advice column written by a popular business coach. He recently returned from a trip to South Africa and someone sent in a question seeking advice for getting through hard times. I myself am healing from some hard times so I was on the edge of my seat for his advice. In a nutshell, his answer was to consider the idea that as Americans, we don’t really have problems compared to the third world and to begin a gratitude practice as a way to see yourself through your supposed difficulties.
Oy.
[Eyes roll]
Disappointing.
I know I am not the only one who is completely irked when someone preaches gratitude after visiting a third world country. While I see and appreciate his desire to wake people up about the suffering in the world, his advice lets me down when he compares the (very) privileged life of Americans to those in the third world, suggesting that gratitude would make our problems diminish.
I love gratitude. As the daughter of a man with a depressed personality and who died of cancer, I know the severe price when a life is void of it. Of all the many ways one can relate to life, gratitude and appreciation source the moment like no other. Though, true gratitude is ego free. That is what makes it so powerful. Since it is our ego that compares, it is impossible to experience gratitude through comparing.
Egoless gratitude is about dropping down into yourself and viscerally connecting to all the mega amounts of love in your life. Whether it is from the sparkle of a diamond ring or the feeling of sunshine on your face, an awesome friend, or the simple act of breathing. Real gratitude is the reception of life’s love and is only experienced when free from judgment, worth, indebtedness, measure, comparisons and shoulds.
When I was a psychotherapist I can’t tell you how many times I heard “I have so much to be grateful for, I don’t know why I feel this way,” and have said those very words myself. Though, gratitude is especially helpful during dark times, it does not take away pain. Instead, it connects us to larger amounts of truth, which is essential for healing to occur. It is practiced by those who desire an honest view of their life and don’t want to miss a drop of goodness, no matter what.
Also, Americans don’t have problems compared to the rest of the world? Really? Completely fascinating to me as I have never met a human who wasn’t involved in the wild and tumultuous ride of life. No matter your circumstances, old age, sickness and death are in your cards. Emotional strife comes with the territory and makes the whole thing happen.
Life is outrageously wonderful AND seems to betray ALL of us … all the time.
For me, this coach was doing what our egos love to do: bypass our actual experience and churn a should. I can’t imagine that when you come back from South Africa, you aren’t overflowing with anger and grief. Maybe gratitude and appreciation of these important emotions are how one really gets through hard times. Maybe befriending them in all of their glory is the path to decoding their sacred messages.
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This post includes some of my adorable opinions about childbirth in our western world. I by no means want to disrespect any woman who desired/desires mainstream medical intervention, for whatever reason. Only you know what it right for you and I completely revere this truth.
In my first pregnancy, though I walked out of the hospital with a healthy baby girl, delivering her came with a lot of unnecessary medical intervention that left me with a ton of guilt and regret. As many women experience, the birth process is an entire world unto itself that seems to all too often blatantly disregard the desires of mom. With this as my reference point, about halfway through my second pregnancy, I could no longer disregard the dread I was feeling about my upcoming delivery. I was studying with Mama Gena at the time and she referred me to Sheila Kamara Hay. In one amazing phone call, Sheila turned my entire world around and put the power right back in my hands. As fate should have it, when I went into labor with my son, I was thrown many medical curve balls. This time, I met all of them with buckets of right-brain brilliance and ultimately arrived at the birth of my desires.
Sisters, to be blunt, the western world’s perspective towards childbirth SUCKS. While I am on-my-knees grateful for all of the lives allopathic medicine saves, way more often than not, it disrespects women and disconnects them from a power and a process that will never have any words.
Thankfully, Sheila is organizing and leading an indomitable group of feminine leaders who are putting the “P” back in childbirth. She has a tele-summit just around the corner with the HOTTEST lineup of pleasure and birth gurus. If you are interested in a view that leaves a woman’s esteem intact no matter what happens during her birth OR know a pregnant woman who desires this information, DO NOT miss this summit. She generously extended a $100 discount for Volver readers (coupon code: VOLVER.) It is my GREAT pleasure to introduce Returning With Sheila Kamara Hay of Ecstatic Birth:
In this moment what is your top brag, top gratitude and top desire?
I brag that I have created an incredible course for women to learn how to connect more deeply with their bodies and that I’ve got a roster of teachers that are my heroines in the worlds of sensuality and birth. I’m so grateful for the enthusiasm and outright LUST this material is being received with, like the world is truly hungry for this information- on how a woman can reclaim childbirth from our cultural heritage of pain, fear, and victimization and create a new one full of joy, pleasure, and empowerment. I desire to have over 300 registrants for this ground-breaking series.
If you had all the women in the worlds ear for one minute, what would you want them to know?
I would want them to know that there is a whole other way to birth than what we see in the mainstream media. I would want them know that childbirth has an enormous capacity for transformative pleasure and that this is a rite of passage to motherhood.
What was your inspiration in creating Ecstatic-Birth
My inspiration was my own personal experience, wanting to create a birth that was full of love and joy and pleasure and not really knowing how. After experiencing one medicalized birth, I decided that if I was ever going to do it again it would have to be completely different. And I researched everywhere, read everything, practiced all kinds of things, worked my ass off to create a birth that was beautiful and powerful and zen the second time around. The third time, I knew I could do it, so I wanted to see if I could enjoy it and that was where I put my attention. I learned sooo much through the process that I was inspired to create Ecstatic Birth and share what I have learned.
What was the dumbest thing that you used to believe?
That there was an objective “best” out there- like the “best doctor” or the “best hospital” with my first birth. I now know that there is only what is best for me and that can be different for each person.
What is your vision for the world and how might we arrive there?
My vision for the world is that we see birth as a sacred rite of passage that isn’t separate and distinct from the pleasures of baby-making, but the culmination of it. To arrive there, women need to reclaim and reconnect with their bodies and their sexuality and all the wisdom and pleasure that lie within.
SING. IT. SISTER.
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I have an incredible husband, named David. Truly, whoever wrote the stories about Prince Charming knew someone like him. He is handsome, charismatic, generous, romantic, enthusiastic, devoted, funny (see picture,) well educated, great lover, hard working and a wonderful father. He LOVES to make all women happy and LIVES to be the hero. I am his Queen and I stand confidently by his side. Our relationship is not without the challenges of every marriage, but I see him and he sees me.
My last boyfriend before meeting David had dreads down to his ass and rode a Triumph motorcycle. While he was WAY fun, we missed each other in the response ability department. To go from dread-man to David was a big leap in a very different direction.
There is so much advice about meeting our soul mates: vision boards, books on calling in the “one”, attraction seminars, support groups, dating coaches, etc. With all of the theories on dating, I have often contemplated as to how I “scored” such a good one. I’m sharing this story to potentially inspire anyone who is desiring to meet their mate.
After many adventurous, but ultimately unfulfilling relationships, at 28 I had come up empty in the guy and work department. For me, no man, plus no career, equaled panic attacks. Luckily, I lived in Boulder,CO, otherwise known as psychotherapy central, and I conjured a referral for a wonderful male Buddhist therapist named Bruce.
Seeing Bruce gave me an entirely different experience of men. Here was a man who thought deeply about emotions and spirituality, loved to help people AND maintained his masculinity along the way. I honestly didn’t think men like him existed. He also thought my provocative ways were adorable and affirmed what my soul loved most: psychology and spirituality (I know, I was in good company).
Working with him made me take a hard look at all the men I allowed into my life. I realized that I attracted men who didn’t see me and I also realized it was because I hadn’t yet seen myself. But the crazy part was that I wasn’t seeing myself out of a fear that it would narrow the pool of men to choose from.
When I finally saw this pattern and how draining it had ultimately been to my life force, I vowed that I would never be in another relationship where I wasn’t fully seen, even if that meant spending the rest of my life … alone. I meant it.
But you all have heard this before: the woman who finds a man as soon as she stops looking. Yes, I believe this was a third of my genius. Another third was that I continued to see my therapist and by doing so, continued to fill up on high grade Vitamin See … thus I never went hungry. Vitamin See depletion leads to desperation and desperation is only attractive to other desperate folks.
And my third act of genius was that I took another huge leap and heard a call to attend Naropa University to pursue a Master’s degree in Buddhist Psychology, something I had wanted to do since arriving in Boulder five years prior. I began pursuing my soul’s pleasure.
So there I stood steeped in radical self love, Vitamin See and pleasure. When David walked past me for the first time, I will never forget the double take. Sisters, a woman floating in the delight of her being is the strongest pheromone.
He was overt in his desire to meet me, but I wasn’t interested, I was too busy basking in the pleasure of being me. He called me and I didn’t call him back for a few days. He invited me out and I kept putting him off. He essentially pursued my disinterested ass for a month until one night he got me on the phone and we chatted and chatted and chatted until the battery of my phone died.
We had our first date the next day and I bought myself a new pair of shoes an hour before we met. I was interested. Three months later we moved in together.
So here is the recap:
Discover what your soul needs to be in full bloom and stand for that at all costs.
Hang out with good men even if you have to pay them (and honestly … you always pay.)
Aaaaaahhhhh the ever lustful, honorably honest and radically misunderstood second chakra. After reading this little post, I hope you never look at lower back pain the same way.
The pelvis is a wildly dynamic area of the body. Anatomically the home of sexual function and gestation, the entire human race is a result of the pelvis’ miraculous physical abilities. From an energy perspective, my chakra guru calls the second chakra, “The Juicy Chakra” and describes its bright orange spin (remember, chakras are wheels that spin) as dependent on our capacity for passion, happiness and emotions .
I could go on and on about these three aspects (coming soon) but let’s answer this question first: What did your parents tell you about passion, happiness and emotions? If you were lucky, you were encouraged to “work hard” for the second one, and really lucky if you heard something about the first. The further back you look in your family tree, the more deafening the silence becomes. Our passions, happiness and feelings have been oppressed for a long, long time.
I actually believe that most of the world’s problems can be traced to a severe disconnect and fear of this chakra … but that is a whole other adorable post.
Next time your lower back flares up (or any of the other many ways our pelvis can fall ill), do your best to recognize which of your emotions need some lovin’. Shelve your desire to be rational, and revel in your primal and mega-informative grief and frustration. I know it doesn’t necessarily feel good and it’s even terrifying for some of us, but it absolutely is good and key to a health filled life. Enlist whoever you need in order to be with this part of yourself (therapist, healer, great friend.) Emotions LOVE Vitamin See.
These four words create a possibility for love and compassion on the planet that make my heart pound. As does all the incredible world organizations and leaders that are seeing and realizing this truth.
Being that women are the source of all human life, if the world is ever going to be the just, loving, and sane place we know it can be, women must take priority … always and forever.
Bold statement, I know. Stick with me.
“But what about men?” is a question I often hear. Or, “This doesn’t seem fair to men.” I think what is not fair to men is to have disenfranchised mothers or like the millions of orphans in the world, no mother at all.
Men with miserable mothers typically grow up to be apathetic, irresponsible, and distrusting of the feminine. A man who has had the love drained out of him through his mother’s misery is at high risk of becoming a perpetrator. Perpetrators create a lot of unnecessary suffering.
On the flip side, an authentically happy woman takes refuge in the feminine power of her desires, emotions, and sensuality. With this as her foundation she can be a beacon of confidence, appreciating all that men provide. She raises men who are confident, successful and full of love. She is the hearth, and I believe on some primal level, all men know this to be true.
Honoring the feminine first is our best shot at establishing and sustaining a world that reveres men AND women.
Tremendous gratitude to Tara Mohr for initiating the “Girl Effect” blogging campaign (#girleffect) in celebration of International Children’s Day, this November 20th. Grab your tissue box if you dare to see one of the most moving videos on the web:
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“This experience opens my heart to feel love in a whole new way.” F.B. Seattle, WA
“Dara McKinley is pure genius and light.” K.P. Seattle, WA
“Wow, I am blown away by the experience of this workshop. It has placed me on a feminine path that is all me AND all woman. I am over the moon grateful for the opportunity to return to this truth.” D.I. Seattle, WA
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