Before you dive into this one, please know that although I currently do not meditate, I have a deep respect for meditation and imagine that I will one day practice again. My desire for this post (and every post on my site) is to create awareness of our feminine essence.
Meditation is a male spiritual practice.
From 1999-2006, I was heavy on the Buddhist meditation path. By 2006, after establishing a thriving Buddhist inspired psychotherapy practice, I made things official and took refuge with a renowned teacher. Things took an unexpected turn when within months of becoming pregnant, my love for Buddhism and its practices … tanked. Though I knew Buddhism was no longer my path, I was miffed as to why a view I loved so dear suddenly felt useless.
Clarity arrived while listening to David Deida’s Enlightened Sex CD set where he discusses the differences between the masculine and feminine essences. He distinguishes the following:
Where the feminine essence prefers connection and togetherness in times of strife, the masculine essence likes to figure it out solo. Are you familiar with the Hero’s Journey? The hero goes off to be alone in order to find his truth, just like the monks meditating in caves. Independence is the route.
Where the feminine essence performs and receives attention, the masculine essence is the observer who watches. Think of all the dudes who love to watch sports, the scientist who stands back and observes his environment, and the utter nirvana many guys feel when watching the tube.
Where the feminine essence bases her experience on how she feels, the masculine essence sources thoughts and beliefs. Ask most men how they felt about something and you might as well have said “ufhdjhfkjdhfpiuwfhkjsbpiUGTPWIfpif.” Ask them what they think about something and you will get a plethora of information.
After making these and many other incredible distinctions between the feminine and masculine essence, Deida states that meditation is a “male spiritual practice” because you sit alone, observing your thoughts.
For a woman who spent most of her life proving how independent and rational she was, this description hit me like a ton of bricks.
Meditation is a spiritual tool created by brilliant men to soften our ego’s. The ego IS the male essence: the part of us that experiences separateness, that wants structure, facts, wants things to make sense, add up, be fixed and practical. The wonderful left brain. Without it, we’d all be happily sitting around staring at each other unable to speak.
Though many eastern philosophies would like to convince us differently – our egos are rather phenomenal. They administer tons of goodness and kindness. Things go awry in our inner and outer world when the ego believes it is in service of itself, AKA unawareness. This is one of the main reasons why meditation is extraordinary. It tames our ego and shows us that there is something else, completely beyond conception, that is driving the human experience. When we realize this, we can position our ego to create goodness.
Am I saying women shouldn’t meditate? No, no, no. All beings have a feminine and masculine essence, which means that all women have egos, thus meditation is a relevant spiritual tool.
However, I can’t help but wonder if male created spiritual practices, designed to address the ego through solitude and discipline, are best suited for those whose male essence is primary? I am currently living this question.
As a mom and a healer, I believe that the feminine essence creates egos and keeps them healthy/in service of our deepest truth. It is through divine relationship, pleasure and our desire for something more that our feminine truth is honored. Quite the opposite of meditation.
To be conintued …
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May 12, 2011
I have an incredible husband, named David. Truly, whoever wrote the stories about Prince Charming knew someone like him. He is handsome, charismatic, generous, romantic, enthusiastic, devoted, funny (see picture,) well educated, great lover, hard working and a wonderful father. He LOVES to make all women happy and LIVES to be the hero. I am his Queen and I stand confidently by his side. Our relationship is not without the challenges of every marriage, but I see him and he sees me.
My last boyfriend before meeting David had dreads down to his ass and rode a Triumph motorcycle. While he was WAY fun, we missed each other in the response ability department. To go from dread-man to David was a big leap in a very different direction.
There is so much advice about meeting our soul mates: vision boards, books on calling in the “one”, attraction seminars, support groups, dating coaches, etc. With all of the theories on dating, I have often contemplated as to how I “scored” such a good one. I’m sharing this story to potentially inspire anyone who is desiring to meet their mate.
After many adventurous, but ultimately unfulfilling relationships, at 28 I had come up empty in the guy and work department. For me, no man, plus no career, equaled panic attacks. Luckily, I lived in Boulder,CO, otherwise known as psychotherapy central, and I conjured a referral for a wonderful male Buddhist therapist named Bruce.
Seeing Bruce gave me an entirely different experience of men. Here was a man who thought deeply about emotions and spirituality, loved to help people AND maintained his masculinity along the way. I honestly didn’t think men like him existed. He also thought my provocative ways were adorable and affirmed what my soul loved most: psychology and spirituality (I know, I was in good company).
Working with him made me take a hard look at all the men I allowed into my life. I realized that I attracted men who didn’t see me and I also realized it was because I hadn’t yet seen myself. But the crazy part was that I wasn’t seeing myself out of a fear that it would narrow the pool of men to choose from.
When I finally saw this pattern and how draining it had ultimately been to my life force, I vowed that I would never be in another relationship where I wasn’t fully seen, even if that meant spending the rest of my life … alone. I meant it.
But you all have heard this before: the woman who finds a man as soon as she stops looking. Yes, I believe this was a third of my genius. Another third was that I continued to see my therapist and by doing so, continued to fill up on high grade Vitamin See … thus I never went hungry. Vitamin See depletion leads to desperation and desperation is only attractive to other desperate folks.
And my third act of genius was that I took another huge leap and heard a call to attend Naropa University to pursue a Master’s degree in Buddhist Psychology, something I had wanted to do since arriving in Boulder five years prior. I began pursuing my soul’s pleasure.
So there I stood steeped in radical self love, Vitamin See and pleasure. When David walked past me for the first time, I will never forget the double take. Sisters, a woman floating in the delight of her being is the strongest pheromone.
He was overt in his desire to meet me, but I wasn’t interested, I was too busy basking in the pleasure of being me. He called me and I didn’t call him back for a few days. He invited me out and I kept putting him off. He essentially pursued my disinterested ass for a month until one night he got me on the phone and we chatted and chatted and chatted until the battery of my phone died.
We had our first date the next day and I bought myself a new pair of shoes an hour before we met. I was interested. Three months later we moved in together.
So here is the recap:
- Discover what your soul needs to be in full bloom and stand for that at all costs.
- Hang out with good men even if you have to pay them (and honestly … you always pay.)
- Keep your Vitamin See tank full.
- Pursue your pleasure/turn on and bask in the enjoyment. There is nothing more attractive then the soft smile of contentment.
Did you pull any divine moves in meeting your partner?
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April 7, 2011
Most men over thirty would concur that hard work, making money and ensuring the security of his family, would have a piercing emptiness without the loving eyes of his wife. Though men can certainly celebrate the accomplishments of their fellow men, it is in the soft and approving eyes of women that their efforts are ultimately affirmed.
Women connect everything, including man back to himself. We are the co-pilots, navigators, readers of the stars. Our desires and pleasure set an undeniable course that men depend on.
Happiness is the huge opportunity modern women face and our desires are the only true path. Desires fuel the feminine’s ability to genuinely admire, appreciate and adore … men. No desires = no happiness = no admiration of men = lost men. Sigh. Lost men can cause a lot of problems. The desires of women are no frivolous matter.
Real feminine power SEES men and believes in them. A woman in her true power, effortlessly makes her man her hero, over and over again. It is in this reflection that he knows his true purpose.
Our feminine wisdom is in the midst of standing back up on her beautiful feet and dusting off the most stunning dress. Once she has risen, she will look around and pour adoration all over this earth. Masculine wisdom will soak up every exquisite drop and confidently step up to serve … love.
And we will not only have a world of desires, a world of happiness AND a world of admiration, we will have … a world of heroes.
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January 3, 2011
Last January, I chatted with my Mexican cab driver on the ride from Puerto Vallarta to Sayulita. I told him I had a daughter and he asked who was caring for her while I was in Mexico. “My husband,” I replied. He laughed and remarked that Mexico was very different and there was no way a man would watch his children while his wife vacationed. I smiled and said, ”Well, the motto in my home is ‘Happy wife, happy life.’” He laughed again. After a long silence, he turned back to me and said, “You know, you’re right.”
Women are the source. It is the minority that can deny this fundamental truth.
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October 31, 2010
This one is really for the guys – feel free to pass it on.
I am fascinated by what makes or breaks relationships. There are many variables: values, personality, physical attractiveness, and chemistry, to name a few. While I ultimately believe everyone is on their divine path, I can’t help but notice this pattern: super cool, dynamic, high priestess, mega-goddess marries a wonderful guy. This great man is funny, charismatic, loves to play, is hardworking, and a good provider. They have one to three kids and somewhere between seven to thirteen years into the relationship she begins to feel unhappy. She begins mentioning therapy – maybe they go, maybe not. Maybe they have long discussions, argue, and fight. Then one day she wakes up and feels completely done. When she connects with her soul, she sees no alternative, they must separate. She asks for a divorce. Dude is devastated, blind-sided, completely confused. He cannot understand what went wrong and how she could leave.
I know about ten couples this happened to, including my parents. I am not saying I know for sure why these relationships ended as these situations are very complex. Though from my current viewpoint, I do see something that every one of these woman would attest to. This great guy and father of her children simply did not see her. I believe she became so deficient in Vitamin See that breaking up her family structure was less painful than staying in the relationship. This is how powerful and important Vitamin See is for women. Without it, we feel malnourished, empty and alone.
Vitamin See is so simple but our culture is void of any direct teachings on the phenomena. This void leaves women with a nagging feeling that something is missing and leaves men lost at sea with what to do about it.
Seeing and loving someone can be achieved through appreciation, recognition, and adoration. All of these behaviors rock and anyone would get major Vitamin See points if they upped them. BUT if you really want to be the King of Vitamin See, like slam dunk, out of the park, touchdown, here is the not-so-secret recipe: Every (EVERY) woman has a unique combination of gifts that create incredible amounts of love for the planet. Find out what they are (just ask her) and write them down. At least once a week, tell her how cool one of them is and what an honor it is to be married to such a powerful woman.
That’s it. So simple and such a straight shot for filling a potentially destructive hole.
“How To Keep Your Man” coming very soon …
Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation 
)
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July 8, 2010
I just ended years of frustration with the opposite sex. I have put down my sword, studied the male mind, came home and told my man to plan his next surfing vacation. I feel so peaceful, free, complete.
Yesterday, I completed Allison Armstrong’s Celebrating Men course. Since awakening to the expansive power of my feminine essence, I have been searching for a course with this very name.
I am going to be very transparent. My minds ability to see the brilliance of women is uncanny; however with men I was finding myself too often frustrated, baffled … and pissed. Fortunately, I knew deep down that my frustration had to be my problem. If the feminine essence was drenched in divinity so was the male. I just wasn’t seeing it and I needed a course correct on men … bad. I got exactly that and then some.
I heard about “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women” from one of my Nia students, the exquisite Cherie Martin-Irwin. Cherie told me how both she and her girlfriend met their future husbands three months after taking the course. These kind of results get my attention. I looked it up as soon as I got home.
Sisters, if you are struggling with men or lack of men and suspect that you may have been poorly educated, this course delivers the goods. My being is now overflowing with all of the beautiful things I learned about men. Allison Armstrong is the real deal. Her vision for the world is stunning and she is making it happen. She is elegant, professional and hilariously funny. By the end, women were weeping and in complete awe of men.
Since I am town crier for anything that will effectively end unnecessary suffering, I am a LOUD and PROUD affiliate for this program which means if you use this link (or simply tell them your heard about it from me) I get a share for sharing. Please know I am very appreciative.
I know so many of you on this list are national, so go check out the site and find the next course nearest you. For those of you in Seattle, they are having a free intro-course this Wednesday night 5/19, at 6:30pm.
Here’s to men and all of their golden generosity.
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May 18, 2010
