How To Keep Your Woman

This one is really for the guys – feel free to pass it on.

I am fascinated by what makes or breaks relationships. There are many variables: values, personality, physical attractiveness, and chemistry, to name a few. While I ultimately believe everyone is on their divine path, I can’t help but notice this pattern: super cool, dynamic, high priestess, mega-goddess marries a wonderful guy. This great man is funny, charismatic, loves to play, is hardworking, and a good provider. They have one to three kids and somewhere between seven to thirteen years into the relationship she begins to feel unhappy. She begins mentioning therapy – maybe they go, maybe not. Maybe they have long discussions, argue, and fight. Then one day she wakes up and feels completely done. When she connects with her soul, she sees no alternative, they must separate. She asks for a divorce. Dude is devastated, blind-sided, completely confused. He cannot understand what went wrong and how she could leave.

I know about ten couples this happened to, including my parents. I am not saying I know for sure why these relationships ended as these situations are very complex. Though from my current viewpoint, I do see something that every one of these woman would attest to. This great guy and father of her children simply did not see her. I believe she became so deficient in Vitamin See that breaking up her family structure was less painful than staying in the relationship. This is how powerful and important Vitamin See is for women. Without it, we feel malnourished, depleted and empty.

Vitamin See is so simple but our culture is void of any direct teachings on the phenomena. This void leaves women with a nagging feeling that something is missing and leaves men lost at sea with what to do about it.

Seeing and loving someone can be achieved through appreciation, recognition, and adoration. All of these behaviors rock and anyone would get major Vitamin See points if they upped them. BUT if you really want to be the King of Vitamin See, like slam dunk, out of the park, touchdown, here is the not-so-secret recipe: Every (EVERY) woman has a unique combination of gifts that create incredible amounts of love for the planet. Find out what they are (just ask her) and write them down. At least once a week, tell her how cool one of them is and what an honor it is to be married to such a powerful woman.

That’s it. So simple and such a straight shot for filling a potentially destructive hole.

“How To Keep Your Man” coming very soon …

Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation )

Sacred Pussy

Crazy. If anyone would have ever told me that one day “pussy” was going to be one of my favorite words and I would write a blog post about it, I would have certainly asked them what drugs they were on. I’m not one of those chicks that cringed when I occasionally heard the word, but I did think it was vulgar and not a word respectable women used. Now it’s my favorite word. I love it, love it, love it! And I love mine. I love everything she feels and creates. If I ever wonder where the Goddess is, I don’t have far to look. This was one of many phenomenal angles of my womanly re-education by Regena Thomashauer. If this post inspires you to know more, I highly recommend her book Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, specifically Chapter 5, “The Womanly Art of Sensual Pleasure.”

I see a lot of powerful women walking the front lines in breaking the silence of “down there.” There’s Oprah (vajayjay), Eve Ensler (vagina), Chelsea Handler (peek-a-choo), and Alison Armstrong (the place) to name a few. Lot’s of different names eh? Cheers to all the straight-up mothers who taught their daughters the anatomical word “vagina.” However, the issue that Mama Gena raises is that a vagina is where a penis enters a woman and where a baby comes out. It connects the uterus to the outside world and can’t truly be seen without a speculum. As Wiki so perfectly states: “The word vagina is quite often incorrectly used to refer to the vulva or female genitals generally; strictly speaking, the vagina is a specific internal structure.” The correct word for the external genitalia is vulva and within the vulva there is a clitoris. Yes, the urethra is also part of the package and there are many other parts that have parts, but their functionality is not the reason for this name confusion.

Now that we’ve identified the three biggies of “down there” – what is the word for the whole package? With men, there is a shaft and glans (and many other parts that have parts) but the whole package is called “penis.” One word. Penis. Crystal clear.

Women don’t have one word for the whole enchilada. Soooooo, let’s make one up right now. We have vulva, clitoris, and vagina…. how about vulclivag? Nah, too Dr. Spock. OK, how about clivagulva? Hmmm, clivagulva. Ouch, sounds like something sharp. Ok, how about ginavultoris? Nah, that sounds like a dinosaur or some sort of infection. OK, how about pussy?

How did I go from “ginavultoris” to “pussy”? You see, when Regena recognized this problem she really thought long and hard for a word that could represent the utter magnificence and sublime multi-functionality of “down there.” When it was all said and done, “pussy” was the only one that could even come close. How’s that? Well first off, when people hear this word – they listen. It instantly commands complete attention. Second, the women I know who use it are reclaiming the sacred. They are well aware of the power this bold word possesses and appreciate how it brings even their own egos to a dramatic halt. One word. Pussy. Crystal clear.

But here’s the part that really turns me on: maybe a unified reclamation of “pussy” is just the radical choice that the feminist movement needs if we are ever truly going to sit in the thrones of our sensual power.

I end by answering a few burning Q’s some of you may have:

Am I suggesting that we teach children to use the word “pussy”? No. My daughter is 4 and I taught her the word “yoni” which is Sanskrit for female genitalia and the source of all life. Just recently, I have broached the specific parts of her yoni. I imagine when she is mature enough, I will teach her about “pussy.” Or even better, I will send her to the School of Womanly Arts.

Did I choose the name “Volver” as a wink to “vulva”? You bet.

Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation )

I Love Men

I just ended years of frustration with the opposite sex. I have put down my sword, studied the male mind, came home and told my man to plan his next surfing vacation. I feel so peaceful, free, complete.

Yesterday, I completed Allison Armstrong’s Celebrating Men course. Since awakening to the expansive power of my feminine essence, I have been searching for a course with this very name.

I am going to be very transparent. My minds ability to see the brilliance of women is uncanny; however with men I was finding myself too often frustrated, baffled … and pissed. Fortunately, I knew deep down that my frustration had to be my problem. If the feminine essence was drenched in divinity so was the male. I just wasn’t seeing it and I needed a course correct on men … bad. I got exactly that and then some.

I heard about “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women” from one of my Nia students, the exquisite Cherie Martin-Irwin. Cherie told me how both she and her girlfriend met their future husbands three months after taking the course. These kind of results get my attention.  I looked it up as soon as I got home.

Sisters, if you are struggling with men or lack of men and suspect that you may have been poorly educated, this course delivers the goods. My being is now overflowing with all of the beautiful things I learned about men.  Allison Armstrong is the real deal. Her vision for the world is stunning and she is making it happen. She is elegant, professional and hilariously funny. By the end, women were weeping and in complete awe of men.

Since I am town crier for anything that will effectively end unnecessary suffering, I am a LOUD and PROUD affiliate for this program which means if you use this link (or simply tell them your heard about it from me) I get a share for sharing. Please know I am very appreciative.

I know so many of you on this list are national, so go check out the site and find the next course nearest you. For those of you in Seattle, they are having a free intro-course this Wednesday night 5/19, at 6:30pm.

Here’s to men and all of their golden generosity.

In Funk I Trust

For a woman to clearly experience her intuition she must free herself of negative emotional charge.

Ten days ago I went into a swamp, funk, whatever you want to call it. I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t want to leave my bed. I am still there, perpetuated by a mean cold and a burning sore throat; tears continue to stream down my face. It is not common for me to get this funky or for it to last this long, but I take refuge in the fact that feeling sad is key to “energetic integrity” and is 1000% divinely feminine. Seeing that these are the allurements of Volver, it is only fitting that I go down this road first.

One of the main things that has me down are all the decisions I made where I bypassed my intuition. Ugh. In our modern world, one of the greatest roots of unnecessary suffering are that women are disconnected from their inner voice. Why would we trust it? We are inundated with messages and values that completely ignore it and encourage us to doubt it. Our households and left-brain academic systems are void of intuitive and emotional teachings. Our vulnerability is the muscle of intuition, and by flexing it we create the space to connect with our multi-sensory abilities. We are not “too sensitive” or “too emotional.”

Wouldn’t it be cool if researching emotions and intuition was an open conversation amongst family members? Where parents supported the decisions of their children and taught them to trust themselves simply by affirming “good choice.” These simple words could help create confident children who trust their clearest feeling of “yes” or “no.”

My swamp is long overdue. In comparison to my twenties which were defined by lots of partying, boys with dreads and motorcycles, and half-assed attempts to figure out my professional pursuits, my thirties were much heavier. Kicked-off by the passing of my father and followed by one too many choices made with my pretend penis, I have a lot to grieve. And this is the true path to my deepest desires: to heal emotionally, for intuition to be my co-pilot, and to spin seven beautiful chakras.

So, here I go. Grief, you can have me as long as you want me. It’s you, me, a box of tissues (and the “New Moon” DVD of course). See you and my blazing intuition on the other side. In funk, I completely trust.

Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation )

Burning to Return

Whenever the pressure to achieve feels like too much, I write down every single thing I want to do and think I should do. Then I burn it.

This move instantly returns me to the truth of my energy body.  Reminding me that my emotional integrity is more important and efficient than chasing after my list.

By burning it all up, I am giving it all up.  This creates lots of room for goodies, adventure and blazing intuition.  So much so, I am beginning to see the bubbling of overwhelm as a sign of sweet surrender to come.

What are your favorite rituals?

Getting Right on Wrong

“People are more important than their opinions” – Jorge Luis Borges

After about a year into my fabulous hiatus from saying “sorry,” that silly word snuck back into my everyday vernacular. With my wacky days running after little ones, old habits die hard and it just seemed easier to say it than not.  However, I celebrate that my year-long sorry cleanse has had a gorgeous effect on my mind - the ghastly gavel is gone. What a relief.  Now, sorry comes out of my mouth for one reason only – because I care about the person I am saying it to.  This feels so good, so clean and so … well … right.

I realize for some of you what I am saying is a no-brainer.  Though for most of us, worrying that we did it wrong or that we might do something wrong is a frequent and time-consuming process in our minds.  If you can relate, this blog post is for you.

Now, here is an idea that I am crazy passionate about and I would love for you to consider: it is impossible to do something wrong.  I know, crazy.  But think about it for a minute.

If the above is true, it would mean that all this right and wrong stuff is truly just in our heads.  It would mean that we are complex and interdependent individuals interfacing with an even more complex and interdependent planet.  It would mean every moment is a new and wild set of variables that we have never experienced before.  It would mean none of us really knows what we are doing and we are all doing our best.  It would mean making yourself wrong is illogical.

This is the mind of compassion.

For most, the intent behind “sorry” is to convey that you care about someone and how you affect them.  But wouldn’t it be just as effective and more uplifting to skip all the right and wrong nonsense and simply say, “I see that I hurt you,” or my favorite, “I see you.”

Yes, yes, yes – we do need a certain level of right and wrong thinking to organize and navigate life.  Law and order is extremely useful and I am very appreciative of it.  However, turn right and wrong thinking on our emotional world and you are in for an arduous path.

Getting right on wrong is a passion of mine for personal reasons and because I believe that the current state of our world is a reflection of our right/wrong psychology gone awry. More about this exciting topic in future posts …

How do you get right on wrong?

Did I make even just one cell in your body smile? If so, please share this with your world (and let me know – I love to beam with appreciation )

Returning with Danielle LaPorte

It really is a perfect world.  Just as I am launching my “Returning Interviews” with energy and divine feminine superstars, I score an interview with Danielle LaPorte. How much more perfect can it get?!?!

Danielle is the creatrix extraordinaire of WhiteHotTruth.com, which is one of the only blogs I read regularly.  Through radical transparency, grace and a keen eye for what is “hot” in the world of self-realization, Danielle ceaselessly inspires us to be 1000% true to our calling. She is the greatest inspiration for my blog.  Without further ado, it is my ridiculous pleasure to introduce Volver’s very first Returning Interview with Deep Sea Diva Danielle LaPorte:

In this moment what is your top brag (things you are celebrating), top gratitude and top desire?

That’s easy! The Fire Starter Sessions, baby.
Desire: I’d like it to be one of the best selling, most inspiring digital works of it’s genre, like, ever.
Gratitude: Friendship. So many kindnesses have been shown to me as of late. Buddhist gems of wisdom when I needed it most, apologies accepted, overflowing creative input, technology rescues, and a general and life-affirming holding down of the fort while I hid away like a mad scientist. If I ever doubt the power of love and simple affections…well, I never will again. Simple as that.

If you had everyone in the world’s ear for one minute – what would you want them to know?

Everything is progress. Everything. Scientifically speaking, the universe is always expanding, so I think even Albert Einstein would back me up on this one.

When the pressures of our modern culture soar too high – what practices do you engage in to return to yourself?

Tonglen meditation. Kundalini yoga. Lavendar oil baths – the hotter the better. People Magazine and documentaries. A nip of chocolate everyday.

If you could spend 24 hours with anyone in the world, it doesn’t matter if they are alive or dead, who would it be and why?

Can’t pick just one.
Rumi. I want to lie at his feet and hear him recite his love poems to the cosmos. While eating grapes.
Oprah. Stength. Inspiration. Doing good. I’d ask her about power, and loneliness.
Johnny Cash. One down to earth, gnarly talented son-of-a-bitch. I ask him about art, redemption, devotion.

What are your top three greatest pleasures?

Snuggling with my kid = pure euphoria.
Laughing ’til I snort with my best girls.
Writing late at night when the world is quiet and I feel like I’m getting away with something sacred.

What is your greatest inspiration for the work you do?

One word: innovate.

What aspects of your feminine essence are your greatest allies?

Ooo. I love this question. One of my most desired feelings is divine femininity. When I’m being whole, rocking my Priestess capacities, I feel so…loving. Loving in that way that a mother truly loves. Embracing, smiling, and ruthlessly compassionate. That Very Big Love loves you and tells you the truth without attack, with a twinkle of your full potential in her eye.

Now you see why I love this woman.

Returning Stardom

Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as my blog was complete I hit that infamous wall called “writers block.”  Funny how that works.  I’ve even had moments of “do I really have anything interesting to say?  Is my blog going to be one of the many that sit idle with no comments/tweets and is only updated a few times a year?”  Brutal.  There were many great topics rolling around in my mind, yet none of them felt visceral and demanded to be written.  Then I began searching online for a star photo and this article flowed through.

The star symbol has shined bright in my psyche lately.  In Mayan astrology the “star” symbolizes the energy of harmony, beauty, giving/receiving love and the ability to shine bright in front of others.  In my Mayan astrology chart the “star” is my achilles heel, my obstacle, which for me translates into having a ton of ambivalence about shining bright.

Where some stand in front of crowds with ease and grace, soaking up every last drop of love and attention, I freeze up. Yep, me.  Give me a great cause or a hot Nia routine and I can hide out in my leadership ability, but anyone who is very sensitive to energy can clearly feel my discomfort in the moments when it is simply me.

So added to my 2010 desire list is to let myself be a STAR.  From this day forward I am researching the move of going from low light to STARlight.

One of the reasons this has been so tricky for me is the barrage of judgments I had about people acting “better” or “superior” and that blatantly outshining others was lame – good people “should” be humble.  Ugh I know, I was so confused and I clearly see a trail of difficult situations that were created due to my inability to claim my … stardom.

These crazy beliefs, that are currently falling victim to my self-love sledgehammer, are epidemic.  Women are taught to keep their lights dim for fear that they might make someone feel bad, or worse, induce the poison arrows of envy and jealousy. Turns out this psychology benefits no one.

Rockstar, superstar, stardom, whatever you want to call it, I am a junkie for the truth and the truth is I am a STAR.  I am a brilliant light of energy that synthesizes my unique path into gifts that shine beautifully on the world. Yep, me.  And YOU are a STAR also.  You are a brilliant light of energy that synthesizes your unique path into gifts that shine beautifully on the world.  Ahhhhh, the truth feels so good.

We are ALL stars and that is the extra special bonus to this whole set-up on earth.  The night sky is beautiful with a single star, gorgeous with a few hundred stars, but it is only when the sky is blazing with gazillions of stars that we are filled with pure awe, knowing deeply that we are part of something magical.

A Blogstar is Born!

After a wonderful jaunt with WordPress Goddess Shannon Kuykendall and design Goddess Nityia Przewlocki I am beside myself happy to announce la Volver Blog.

In true Volver fashion this Blog has some HUGE and beautiful desires:

I desire this blog be a beacon for goodness. Some of the things I will be writing about include pleasure, love, beauty, intuition, possibility, P*ssy, emotions, chakras, desire, self-love, truth, individuality, body, divinity, motherhood, flirtation, compassion, egolessness, creativity, sensuality, sisterhood, trust, celebration, energy, art, rightfulness and magic … to name a few.

I desire this blog to be as enjoyable as your favorite magazine. Where you will enjoy the latest of my adorable rants, “Returning” interviews with divine feminine/energy rock stars, “Dara’s Favorite Things” and general awesomeness that is sure to make our world a better place.

I desire to be a Top 50 Blogger.

Are you out there reading this?  Are you feeling a twinge of excitement?  Would you do me the BIGGEST honor and bless my blog with your three greatest pleasures du jour?  Right here, right now – leave a comment with three things that switch you to “ON.”  That remind you of your rightful place. That “RETURN” you to yourself.

OK – I’ll go first. Three of my most favorite pleasures are:

• A unique pair of shoes.

• A super warm bath (followed by sleeping naked between 400 thread count sheets!)

• An amazing Nia class.

What about “sex” you wonder?  Yes, sex is definitely one of my greatest pleasures – AND our culture is quick to equate the word “pleasure” with sex.  While sex is a phenomenally powerful pleasure, human enjoyment and sensuality encompasses much more than the sublime pleasures of sexual ecstasy.

So with that said, what are your fav-o-flav pleausures???  What do you LOVE about this physical experience we call life?

Beaming with appreciation,
Dara

Happy Birthday Me, Relationship, Blog!

How perfect that my blog is born on my 39th birthday! As I reflect on all there is to celebrate about my thirties, I can’t help but think back to my birthday week when I turned 29, which I still say was the most divine week of my life. I discovered Nia, finished losing 15 pounds, inherited enough money to pay for my Masters degree at Naropa University and had an amazing first date with my husband, all within a 7 day period. It was surreal.

Here I am 10 years later, living in Seattle, packing those 15 (or 20) pounds, married to David, with a 4 year old girl, a baby boy, Volver, Zing and LOTS of connection, laughs, friendship and love with my man. Marrying David and creating our family are certainly my greatest brags of the decade, AND I have two more that rock my world.

First, I radically trust myself: my desires, my intuition and my truth. RADICALLY. Second, my sister is one of my closest friends. After 30 + years of relationship strife, we now bask in the sublime pleasures of true sisterhood. I have Mama Gena to thank for both of these brags. She is no joke.

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Anniversary David!

Welcome to this world Volver blog! May you be a beacon for all that is awesome.